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Old 08-17-13, 11:52 PM   #1
Bassboss
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Default Share your Jokes!

Lets have a little fun and a few laughs while we're at it! If ya got some good jokes, or even some crappy puns throw em on up here!

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the sh!t out of a ghost!"
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Old 08-17-13, 11:55 PM   #2
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A skeleton walks in a bar. Tells the bartender, "Can I get a beer and a mop?".
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Old 08-17-13, 11:59 PM   #3
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Old man walks into the local ER of his hospital after having some urinary problems.

He walks up to the lady at the front counter and says very loudly, "I GOT SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY JOHNSON". The lady was very shocked and said, "Sir you can't go around saying things like that!"

"What the heck am I to say then?

"Well sir, you come up here and tell me you have a problem with your ear, or nose or something and you can give the finer details to the nurse and doctor at back".

After a pause, the old man walks a way only to return minutes later.

"Hello, I need to see a doctor. I have a problem with my ear."

"Oh yes, sir, what is the problem with your ear?"

"WELL, I CAN'T SEEM TO MUSTER A PISS OUT OF IT!".
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Old 08-18-13, 09:16 AM   #4
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As I was driving by a state hospital (we called the loony bin) I had a flat tire.
I was uncomfortable because a number of inmates were roaming around the grounds. I screwed up my courage and began changing the tire. I jacked up the car and placed the lug nuts in the hub cap. As I moved the flat to the trunk to get the spare, one of the inmates came over and ran off with the lug nuts before I could stop him. I sat there not knowing what to do. Then another inmate came over and said "what's the matter mister?" I said "one of yer buddies ran off with my lug nuts and I don't know what to do." He said "why don't you take one nut off each of the other wheels - that will get you to a gas station." I said, "Hmm, that's a great idea...thinking of something like that, what's a person like you doing here?" He said...
"I'm crazy, I'm not stupid!"
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Old 08-18-13, 04:41 PM   #5
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Did you hear of the baby boy born without eyelids the other day. They didn't know what to do until an old doctor told them to use the foreskin from his circumcision. It worked but he's a little cockeyed now.
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Old 08-19-13, 12:38 AM   #6
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I was walking by an insane asylum one day, and I heard a bunch of people on the inside yelling, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!" over and over again. Curious, I put my eye up to a crack in the wall to see what was going on. One of them crazy SOB's poked me in the eye with a stick!
Everybody in there busted out in laughter. Then they all started yelling, "Fifteen! Fifteen! Fifteen!"
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Old 08-19-13, 06:54 AM   #7
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a devout arab muslim enter a balck cab in glasgow and curtly ask the driver to turn off the radio the driver ask why
because by muslaim relogious teachings we must not listen to music. because in the time of the prophet there was no music. especially westen music which is the music of the infidel
the cabbie pulled the csb to the side of the road got out opened the door and told the arab to get out. the arab asked what are yuu doing.
the cabbie replay in the time of the prophet ther were no taxix so ----off and wait for a camel
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Old 08-20-13, 12:09 AM   #8
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lol good stuff guys!

Keep em coming guys, I know yall got some good ones!
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Old 08-20-13, 07:50 PM   #9
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Two outdoor writers are siting in a bar in Colorado. A friendly but not very good looking women sits down at the table with a double bourbon in hand.
She says to the guys that last night I did a magic trick. "Oh really" the most drunk guy says. "Yes I just whispered in this guys ear and he turned into a motel"

True story..

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