Some prayers please

[1/4 stick]

My exwife, my sons mother passed away last night. Could use some prayers to help my son through this, and for some guidence for me to help guide him through it. He's 11 and seems alright now, She's had health issues with strokes for years, and it was half way expected. But I'm not sure if it's hit him yet. And I'm not so sure what to tell him to help him when it does hit him. Thanks

[WaffleJaw]

Man 1/4 Im so sorry to hear that...Just being there for him when the shock wears off is one of the best things you can do I think....Prayers for you and your son.

[carolina-rig-01]

Man I am sorry to hear this. I know that when it hits your son you will find exactly the right thing to say. We will keep you in our prayers and hang in there. Again, sorry to hear this.

[Cavs1123]

Praying for you and your son.

[66KingFisher]

Young folks seem to handle these events better then us older folks most of the time, so chances are he's ok, but it would still be good to talk with him about it on a guy to guy level, but also as father to son. Its hard to figure out what to say but the good Lord has a way of helpin you find the right words when the time comes.

You and your son will be in my prayers tonight.

[1/4 stick]

Thank you guys. Yeah, he seems to be handling it ok. All I can do is be there when he needs me I guess.

[woody]

That is absolutely right, Stick. I'm praying for you.


-Mark

[nofearengineer]

Aw man....you and your son are definitely in my prayers. Poor kid.

[bcklash]

Stick you and your son have our prayers

[Bassboss]

He's got 'em man. Hope he's, OK.

[keithdog]

I'm going to be sure to say a prayer for you and your son Stick. I am so sorry to hear about the loss your both having to deal with. Just keeping him close, listening to what he says, and watching him to see what he doesn't say, thats going to go a long way towards helping him through this time. God bless you both.

[Jrob78]

Man, that's tough. You, your son and his mother's family will be in my prayers.

[bamabassman]

stick.......so VERY sorry tohear this pal. you're doing the right thing pal. jsut be there when he calls oyu. drop everything to get to him. listen and hold him, tell him she is in no pain now. lisa and i are praying for you, your son, and the enitre family buddy.

[MallenManson]

That's terrible, 1/4. Hopefully, the reason he's handling it well is due to the fact he's had time to prepare.

[Bubba_Bruiser]

We will be praying for your family Stick. So sorry for the boy's loss.

[1/4 stick]

It finally hit my son last night, or he just decided to let it go. He was upset for a bit, then called me and asked if I'd go get him today. I did and we went and had lunch and I spent some time with him before the pastor was to be at my ex-in-law's house and we talked. He started talking about how he missed his mom. And that's when the awkward question came. “Are you gonna miss mama?” How do ya explain why a relationship don't work and divorce to an 11 year old, especially at a time like this? A how two people can love each other with all their heart and still not be able to put up with each other?


Best I could do was go with the truth as best I could without getting into the details of the fights. I told him yes I'd miss her. In truth I've missed her for a long time cause I did love her, always would have love for her and at one time we did make each other happy. Told him that I'd missed those times for a long while, but things and people change and sometimes it's best to end the relationship before you both end up hating each other.


He went on, worried that his mother's parents, who have pretty much raised him since the stroke that paralyzed her and took some of her reasoning capabilities, and I would die because we're old. I told them that they weren't that old, grandma is only 65, and grandpa (step-grandpa?) is only 50 something, they still got a lot of years left and will likely be with him in this world well into his adulthood. And I'm only 41, save a tornado, car wreck or something of the sort, I gotta lot more time here. I tried to explain to him as best I could about the rare condition she had that brought three different disorders together, all of which caused blood clots. And that someone leaving us at her age was rare, and we'd be with him many more years.


Of course the conversation eventually led to me trying to explain death, something I'm a long way from qualified to do. So did best I could by telling him my belief. So many people view death as a bad thing and it really isn't in the grand scheme of things. It's worse for those of us that love the person that is gone. We're here agonizing about why God didn't heal the person that was ill, when actually he did heal them. Sometimes death is how God heals, I don't know why, it's not for us to know why God does the things he does and how. God needed her and healed her as he called her home. I told him that all the problems she had, not being able to do anything for herself, the mini strokes and all the other things that her condition caused. All that pain is gone from her now. She is in heaven now with her grand parents who she loved so much. And that knowing her grandma, there was probably enough food to feed an army for a week waiting for his mama when she got there. But his mama would always be with him, and always watching him. That the only pain that can touch her now was for him not to carry on and have a long happy life.


It amazes me how resilient a kid can be though. We went from that to him asking how he'd ever be able to find a wife, and now who would he talk to about girls since his mama was gone. Lol I told him if a dude with a mug like mine can find 3 wives and God only knows how gfs and dates, he wouldn't have any issues. And that he had his grandma, aunts, uncles, and grandpa for girl advice. And I could help him get the girls, not so great at keeping them though.


Don't know if these were the right things to say. Just did the best I could do and went with what my heart told me. Sorry about writing a book in this post, just felt the need to share that.

Thank you for the prayers folks. Is a special group of fishermen we have here on this forum.

[bcklash]

Stick sounds to me like you guys had a nice talk and it helped you too. Hang in there, we're praying you guys.

[66KingFisher]

Sounds like you said all the right things buddy......

[keithdog]

I'd say you handed that about as perfectly as it could be handled my friend. And thats a conversation your son will always remember. I'd say your handling this whole thing very well and your son will be the better for it.

[nobass]

sorry to hear that . i know it will take time to heel but 11 year old seem to cope better than adults

[WatterBoy]

Sorry to hear that, Stick. More prayers sent.

Dean

[bamabassman]

donald, oyu did the FATHERLY thing man. you TALKED and LISTENDED to your son. you ansered his questions with honesty, intergerity, and truth. what more can a father do? nothing my friend. jsut stay in contact with im during this time. it will help BOTH of you i promise. stay ture to yourself and your son. GOD BLESS OYU AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY.

[woody]

Well said, John.

God Bless You, Donald.


-Mark

[1/4 stick]

Just thought I'd give you guys an update. My son is doing good. He misses his mother, of course, but he's carrying on with life. I can tell when it's on his mind cause he gets more hyper than normal, loud and silly. A trait he gained from his father I suppose. Rather find something to laugh about than cry over things you can't do anything about. Anyway, he's doing ok, and being a strong young man that I'm derned proud of.

[keithdog]

Thats very good news stick. It has to be hard to learn to cope with that kind of loss at such a young age. He's lucky he has you there to watch and care over him.