Happy Birthday JB!

[lowrider]

I see it at the bottom of the page. Happy B-day old man! Now do the right thing and photoshop a funny of yourself! You owe it to all those you've picked on.

gonna use this thread to toot my own horn too, I JUST MADE VETERAN STATUS !!!

[quenston]

Hey JB Happy Birthday may the Bait Monkey be fed on your day!!

[JB]

Thanks!

Zooker, send some hookers over this way..mkaY

Heres one of me an dad makin some bucks the
old fashioned way

[Earl Marshall]

Happy Birthday JB May god bless you with many many more.

[JB]

Thanks Earl, now some words of wisdom from me (married 30 years)



JB n Sherrill
It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are

oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is JB.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Sherrill. When I Cut back on overtime a few years ago, it became necessary for Sherrill to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the lake about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don't yell at her Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Fishies Grill at the marina, so eating out is not reasonable.

I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.

I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.

For example, Sherrill will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.

But, boys, we take 'her for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean!).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene.

I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of BEER and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is Pouring one for herself, she may as well Pour one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Sherrill. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well = worthwhile.

After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed,

JB



EDITOR'S NOTE: JB died suddenly on August 17th, of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a ALL STAR 7ft MH rod jammed up his rear end, with barely five inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife Sherrill was arrested and charged with murder.



The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her not guilty, accepting her defense that JB somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his ALL STAR rod very quickly. We still aren't sure why the sledge hammer was there.

[woody]

JB that's funny...hope your enjoy'n your B-day

[JB]

Hey Thanks Woody,
If you're bored check out my random thoughts...

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America.

Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right NOT to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of the subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry *** if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them.

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack their little *** when necessary and say "NO."

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And . . . Please stay home until that new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!
ok rants over

[BassAddict]

Happy Birthday JB! You kill me dude! LOL

[woody]

Look who's getting a little older and a bit wiser. LOL

[MIbasser]

Happy Birthday JB!! Enjoy the day.

[pig n jig]

Happy Birthday JB.

[mariner]

Happy Birthday

[zooker]

happy birthday ya old fart...


lol..


zooker

[crankybait]

Do we get to listen to you rant every december 15th? good stuff
Happy Birthday JB

[1/4 stick]

Prolly, it's a sagatarian trait to rant on their birthday. It is also a right. hehehehehehe

Happy Birthday JB!

[Jim80]

Happy birthday man enjoy the day .

Jim

[JB]

Thanks Jim!
now you younger men of the forum consider this:
As a stunningly successful man of the world, I am often asked, "JB, how can I, a nebbish dweeb, hope to score hot babes and find a great lady like you did?"
And, often, my answer is simple and direct. Usually something like "Dream on, dork".
But, today, I'm feeling altruistic and I am going to let the men of BAssFishing Forum in on a few of the lesser known secrets of that crazy species we call womenz. There are many mysteries of the universe, vast unknowable chasms of wonder out there, but the gals are not one of them. They are not like us, but they are not without a purpose or a plan and I happen to know most of it. I have stayed at many a Holiday Inn Express, and I have had my 31 flavors of pie.
So, if you are between the ages of 15 and 25, or mentally so, pay attention and tattoo these pearls on the inside of your thigh. When you have lived a long and failed life of disasterous encounters with the fairer sex, you will want to read back my little laundry list and slap yourself for not taking it to heart.
Item 1: Do not listen to what women have to say about women. They are not privy to the keen powers of self-instropection, nor are they honest when the mirror paints the picture of womanhood in a less-than-flattering light. If women were to be trusted about how they tick, we'd all have it figured out, and women would be happy. Society is afraid of saying what I am, that women have been led to believe they are a noble half of the human race, and more suited to matters of the heart. Fact is, they're just as clueless as you. Next.
Item 2: Women are 95% a product of the relationship (or lack thereof) between they and their fathers. Men are made by their mothers, women by their dads. If daddy beat them, left them, or otherwise was a ****bag, you had better believe they will not have healthy impulses and chaos will follow them throughout their days. This is an absolute, so trust me when I say, if they don't have a healthy relationship with pops, they're not having one with you either, so ****ing run. Yes, they're going to be fun in the sackeroo, but trust me....run. That other 5% of their nature comes from lucky genetics, but you're not turning that into anything by yourself. You ain't fixing a broken girl, so just run.
Item 3: To attract women, you need but one thing....to be in charge. Not necessarily of the world or the building you work in, but in charge of your surroundings. You need to be in charge of whatever setting you and the womenz will be in. In any herd of animals, the females obey the alpha. You must be, no matter what the situation, the "guy". You might need to be the funny guy, or the cool guy, or the host, or the entertainer, or even the "taken" one, but you had better be the center of attention that day. To be this thing, you need some confidence, you need your **** in order, and you need some sort of talent that will put you in the alpha spot - no matter if that's at the library or at the night club. Women do not fawn at the slowest, weakest gazelle. They look at what's running out front, and follow. Get your life in order. Women are not laying in the tub right now letting the water hit the pink parts dreaming about a dork who's playing Battlefield on his computer in his mom's basement. You follow? This leads me to item 4.
Item 4: Women, real women, do not want a boy. They want a man, so be one. Don't get dickhead haircuts, tribal tats, spinners for your ghey car, the latest trendy clothes or skin care products. These are the tools of vain boys, and a woman does not want these things from you even if she acts like she does. You may get some dates, you may get laid, you may even get married by being a boy.....but bet your *** that your woman will dream of a man (which is not you).
Item 5: Women, contrary to legend, do not want sex that often...especially once the relationship cools off (normalizes). If they do crave the weenie all the time, they are messed up (see item #1). Women do not have testesterone pumping through their organs, and will not crave sex, at least not like you think they do. Get used to it, deal with it, and make your peace with the fact that a normal woman wants sex about 1/10th as much as you. Sadly, the sexaholic women are usually reliving some sort of childhood trauma, and sex gives them control over their neuroses about that past. See, women have sex for very different reasons than we do. They have it to feel sexy, to feel loved, to feel wanted, even to feel in charge....but they don't have that physical drive like us. We, by contrast, have sex to purge the evil venom from our balls, and that's about the extent of it.
Item 6: There is nothing a woman can sniff out like desperation. If you have even one tiny cell of creepy in you, she'll smell it all over you like a possum carcus in the sun. One of the lessons of adulthood is ****ING RELAX. Do it, for all our sakes. Don't chase women, for there is no need. Be a man, be yourself, have a good time and get your life in order, and the women will forever come to you. Believe this fellas.....nothing could be truer. If young JB would have only known this.... but that's another story and it involves copious masturbation and alot of Boone's Farm.
Item 7: Women, contrary to another urban legend, are ****bags too. They will have you convinced, if you talk to them enough, that they are the masters of reason and emotion. Bull****, fellas. They are contriving, maniacal masters of chaos and work feverishly against their own happiness sometimes. Nothing will disturb a woman so deeply to her core as true contentment. Some women shudder at the thought of a placid, pleasing life. It's a very rare thing, a woman at peace and comfortable with herself....so when you find one, say "I do" and keep her away from other women. Wanna see proof of this? Work along side alot of women. When one finds happiness, the others go about dismantling hers with ant-like industry. Nothing on earth is quite so destructive as women screwing with a happy one. It's a pretty safe bet that if your lady friends hang out with other girls, they will try (even unwittingly), to **** you up. Sorry girls, you know this one is true.
Item 8: Get to know your prospective inlaws....even if you have no idea you're going to marry the girl you're banging. If you don't love them like they're your own parents, RUN. Seriously, it's that simple. Run. Look at their relationship - her mother and father's. Look at it hard, because that's you in 25 years....or some variation of it. Your woman will make sure of it, because she's hard wired to.
Item 9: A woman's beauty is her worst enemy, and her only true servant. Be very afraid of a woman who has relied, or counted on her looks to survive or succeed - for when those looks or your attention to them wanes, she will self-destruct before your eyes. You will come home to find her gone, or on top of your best friend. Again, not to drive a point too fine, but stay away from the 10's. A stripper model does not live to enjoy a 50 year wedding anniversary, and she will not change your diapers when you're old. Believe it or not, that stuff really matters. You, like women, are driven by your nature. If you're always attracted to the worst kind of women, it's not their fault bucko. It's yours....so fight your impulses and go with what's smart not what "feels good".
Item 10: Lastly, I leave you with this. It's a difficult lesson to be a man. It's a painful, self-sacrificing labor and part of the human condition to be a man. You must accept that much of your life and your ties to women rely on your honor and your good nature. Sadly, most of us choose our mates based on nothing more than a tiny dab of sexual experience and a lot of ignorance about human nature. The women you meet, fall in love with, screw, and hurt, are all human beings with complex pasts, desires and dreams. Treat each woman, no matter who she is, as if she is your best friend's girl. Give her respect, even if you don't choose to engage her in a meaningful way. Understand that she is a daughter, a sister and someone's baby and if she's not good enough to be kind to, then leave her alone. Your dealings with the chicks will come back to haunt you, and each ****ty act will be revisited on you, or your children, or your future women. Trust me here...it really happens. Be a good man, a smart man and an observant man, and women will not be a source of pain in your life. Take my word on it.
PS, I've divulged trade secrets here. And, I predict much of it will be hotly debated by the womenz of BassFishing, whom I love and respect. However, let none of that diminish my wisdom....if they don't acknowledge my genius, then it just proves Item #1. Sorry gals.

[Bo Dale James Jr.]

Holy Sh*t JB you are getting older but not any less bolder
Happy B-day!

[bamabassman]

happy birthday old senile fart,lmao. ya'll know he is getting senile when he rambles on and on like this right? hahahahahahahahaha.

oh yea jb.... tell sherril to bring ya another beer,lol. on me pal!!!

[bcklash]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JB-- now I going to have my wife get me a beer and read this again-- this is some great stuff and so true.

[Wishing2BFishing]

Happy Birthday JB. Hope you get some new gear to feed the baitmonkey.

[flbassman]

Happy Birthday man!


Some dang good rantin going on up there

[Denny_K]

Happy b-day JB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I'm gonna take a stab at this and ask,
was most of the top thoughts from a Budwiser can/s ????..hum?...lol
any way LMAO!!!!!!!!!! great stuff..........too funny bro happy 30th
Denny

[carolina-rig-01]

happy birthday jb. sorry i am late but i haven't had an oppertunity to post much the last few days.

[Lilmoosecountry]

Happy B Day!!! Scary Clown guy. Your another day older & deeper in debt.