And then the fight started

Love of the Sport · 02-10-09, 01:07 AM

Few jokes for ya'll borrowed from another forum.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
> So, I took her to a gas station.....
> And then the fight started....
>
> ****
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
> "Do you want to have sex?"
> "No," she answered.
> I then said,= N0"Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> And then the fight started....
>
> ********
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
> And she processed my Social Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ****
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage .
> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
> And that's how the fight started ...
>
> ****
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
> A nearby table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
> right after we split up those many & years ago, and I hear she
> hasn't been sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ****
>
> I rear-ended a car this morning.
> So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
> of his car.
> You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
> Little things just seem funny?
> Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
> 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
> So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ****
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
> 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ****
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
> And then the fight started.....

flbassman · 02-10-09, 01:18 AM

Bout peed myself on a few.....

weezymagic · 02-10-09, 03:50 AM

rofl like none other

woody · 02-10-09, 10:19 AM

FUNNY

~Mark

MIbasser · 02-10-09, 10:52 AM

That's great!!!

BassinBrits · 02-10-09, 11:05 AM

We've both had a great laugh reading these - thanks

aikenyounggun · 02-10-09, 03:18 PM

nice the disablitiy thing.... ooooh that hurts....

Bassboss · 02-10-09, 04:27 PM

LOL those were pretty good!!

aikenyounggun · 02-10-09, 06:26 PM

yeah i have heard the dwarf thing before, the weather one is funny, and the mad cow is a great one...

bamabassman · 02-10-09, 07:41 PM

these are ALWAYS funny. thanks.

Lilmoosecountry · 02-11-09, 11:51 AM

The way things are at home. I think i need to PHONE a friend.

Love of the Sport · 02-11-09, 12:33 PM

Glad you guys liked them.

bcklash · 02-11-09, 09:28 PM

This is a true story that happened last week. A women I work with, 40yrs old and used to be real good on pogo stick, decided to start riding one again. Her husband remembering the last one she got on broke without thinking said " you had better get a HEAVY DUTY one".

THEN THE FIGHT STARTED -- LMAO

bamabassman · 02-11-09, 09:30 PM

NOW THAT HAD TO BE FUNNY!!!!!!!! he still have his teeth?

BassBandit · 02-11-09, 09:31 PM

Good stuff. Think I'm gonna show it to my ol lady for a good laugh. She needs it.

Jim80 · 02-11-09, 09:32 PM

good stuff man thanks for the laugh

Jim

bcklash · 02-11-09, 10:11 PM

Bassbandit-- DON'T DO IT -- We like having you on here

BassBandit · 02-11-09, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bcklash

Bassbandit-- DON'T DO IT -- We like having you on here

No worries. I fed her some rumpke minze and jagermifer. She laughed all along. All is good.

02-10-09, 01:07 AM	#1
Love of the Sport BassFishin.Com Active Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Baton Rouge Louisiana Posts: 236	And then the fight started Few jokes for ya'll borrowed from another forum. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... > So, I took her to a gas station..... > And then the fight started.... > > ** > > My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, > "Do you want to have sex?" > "No," she answered. > I then said,= N0"Is that your final answer?" > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." > And then the fight started.... > > **** > > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. > The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. > I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. > I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. > So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. > She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' > And she processed my Social Security application. > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the > Social Security office. > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too' > And then the fight started..... > > > > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage . > I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. > The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. > I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' > My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' > And that's how the fight started ... > > > > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at > A nearby table. > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking > right after we split up those many & years ago, and I hear she > hasn't been sober since.' > 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' > And then the fight started..... > > > > I rear-ended a car this morning. > So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out > of his car. > You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and > Little things just seem funny? > Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, > 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!' > So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' > And then the fight started..... > > > > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. > 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' > He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' > 'Nah, she can order for herself.' > And then the fight started..... > > ** > > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, > 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.' > And then the fight started.....

02-10-09, 01:18 AM	#2
flbassman BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Jacksonville Florida Posts: 2,840	Bout peed myself on a few..... __________________ R.I.P. Zooker

02-10-09, 03:50 AM	#3
weezymagic BassFishin.Com Active Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kirkwood (STL), Missouri Posts: 166	rofl like none other __________________ Total bass of 2009: 83 Biggest bass of '09: 2.30 lbs

02-10-09, 10:19 AM	#4
woody BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Jonesville, Indiana Posts: 3,597	FUNNY FUNNY ~Mark

02-10-09, 11:05 AM	#6
BassinBrits BassFishin.Com Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Little ol' England Posts: 68	We've both had a great laugh reading these - thanks __________________ Tight lines >)))))0> ~ Jack & Doreen

02-10-09, 10:52 AM	#5
MIbasser BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Okemos, MI Posts: 1,447	That's great!!!

02-10-09, 03:18 PM	#7
aikenyounggun BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: aiken, SC Posts: 2,051	nice the disablitiy thing.... ooooh that hurts.... __________________ <>< Rather be Fishing ><>

02-10-09, 04:27 PM	#8
Bassboss BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Shawano, WI Posts: 7,761	LOL those were pretty good!! __________________ If you can't fix it with heavy squats or fish oil, you're probably going to die.

02-10-09, 06:26 PM	#9
aikenyounggun BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: aiken, SC Posts: 2,051	yeah i have heard the dwarf thing before, the weather one is funny, and the mad cow is a great one... __________________ <>< Rather be Fishing ><>

02-10-09, 07:41 PM	#10
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	these are ALWAYS funny. thanks. __________________ so many lures, so little time.

02-11-09, 11:51 AM	#11
Lilmoosecountry BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Missouri Posts: 1,322	The way things are at home. I think i need to PHONE a friend. __________________ Live everyday as if it was your last & check your ego at the door!!! God is watching.

02-11-09, 12:33 PM	#12
Love of the Sport BassFishin.Com Active Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Baton Rouge Louisiana Posts: 236	Glad you guys liked them.

02-11-09, 09:28 PM	#13
bcklash BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Elliston, Va. Posts: 4,372	This is a true story that happened last week. A women I work with, 40yrs old and used to be real good on pogo stick, decided to start riding one again. Her husband remembering the last one she got on broke without thinking said " you had better get a HEAVY DUTY one". THEN THE FIGHT STARTED -- LMAO __________________ The soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box. keep us free:

02-11-09, 09:30 PM	#14
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	NOW THAT HAD TO BE FUNNY!!!!!!!! he still have his teeth? __________________ so many lures, so little time.

02-11-09, 09:31 PM	#15
BassBandit BassFishin.Com Active Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Kernersville, NC Posts: 430	Good stuff. Think I'm gonna show it to my ol lady for a good laugh. She needs it. __________________ Rest in peace Zooker

02-11-09, 09:32 PM	#16
Jim80 BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Thomaston CT Posts: 3,862	good stuff man thanks for the laugh Jim __________________ In memory of Zooker 1/11/73-7/2/2010. You will be sorely missed and never forgotten.

02-11-09, 10:11 PM	#17
bcklash BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Elliston, Va. Posts: 4,372	Bassbandit-- DON'T DO IT -- We like having you on here __________________ The soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box. keep us free:

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