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Old 01-31-09, 08:20 PM   #1
Buzz Wing
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Figured it's time to resurect a new joke thread. So, let's hear them!

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Old 01-31-09, 08:38 PM   #2
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here is your first one...........we are OUT OF DEBT NATIONALLY!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-31-09, 08:39 PM   #3
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not too good at jokes am i? lmao.
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Old 01-31-09, 08:50 PM   #4
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There's a blue collar and a pirate sitting in a bar.

The pirate has an eye patch, peg leg, and a hook hand.

After a wile the blue collar asks the pirate how he lost his hand. The pirate replies like this "YYAARRGGG I long in a swashbuckeling duel!!!"

After a dew drink he asks him how he lost his leg, the pirate says. "YYYAAARRGG I shark bit me leg off"

After the blue collar is half drunk he asks the pirate in a drunken voice how he lost his eye. The pirate wipes his chin off with his sleeve after tacking a big drink and says, "YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG a bird pooped in me eye!!" Than the blue collar says in a drunken voice how he a bird pooping in his eye mad him lose his eye?!? The pirate says, "YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG , it twas the first day with me hook!!!!"
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Old 01-31-09, 08:56 PM   #5
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womens rights...
roflmao
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Old 01-31-09, 09:33 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezymagic View Post
womens rights...
roflmao
wow! ..........

Maybe gay rights but.... well.... ya!
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Old 02-01-09, 03:59 AM   #7
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lol, sry. i have nothing against women, i just like to see who is comfortable enough to laugh at it.
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Old 02-01-09, 04:06 AM   #8
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a redneck is standing at the pearly gates and saint peter tells him if he can answer three questions he can come in
first question how many days of the week start with T
the redneck thinks a minute and says two today and tommorrow.

saint peter says well ok i guess thats right

second question how many seconds are in a year

the redneck scratches his chin then starts counting and then takes off one of his shoes and says 12

saint peter says 12? how do you figure

the redneck says janruary 2 february 2 march 2 all the way up to december

saint peter says well alright i will take that

last question whats gods name

he says oh thats easy its andy

saint peter says andy? what

the redneck says you know that ol church song Andy walks with me andy talks with me.
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Old 02-01-09, 09:52 AM   #9
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There is this guy who always comes in with a boat full of fish.
Everyone wonders how he does it, so one of the fellers aks him; "Can I go out fishing with you?"
He says, "sure".
So they get out on the lake and the great fisherman reaches under his seat, picks up a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it in the lake....this fish float to the top...
The other feller reaches in his pocket pulls out his wallet and says, "I'm a game warden and your in a lot of trouble fella".

The great fisherman reaches under his seat, lights another stick of dynamite, hands it to the warden and says,
"Are you going to talk all day or fish?"
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Old 02-01-09, 11:27 AM   #10
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That was good, Bo...

-Buzz
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Old 02-01-09, 08:49 PM   #11
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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see them.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Old Ladies!
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Old 02-01-09, 09:19 PM   #12
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NOW THAT IS A GOODUN!!!!!! gonna have to remember that one.
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Old 02-01-09, 10:10 PM   #13
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This old sailor walks into a bar. He's walking strangely, lifting his knees out to the side, because there's a large ship's wheel apparently attached to his crotch. He goes up to the bar, sits down awkwardly, and orders a beer.
The bartender serves him, then says "Excuse me for bringing this up, but it must be very inconvenient having that wheel attached to your crotch."
The old sailor says "Arrrg, yeah, it's drivin' me nuts."
-----------------------------------------------------------

Two good ol' boys have just left their favorite bar, and both of them are very tipsy. They each still have a cold one in their hands as they get in the car to drive home. A little ways down the road, they see blue lights coming up behind them.
The passenger freaks, knowing they are so busted. But the driver is calm. He tells his buddy to peel the sticker off the side of his beer, and stick it to his forehead. The passenger thinks his buddy must be crazy, but figures there may be a reason.
So when the cop walks up to the window, there's two drunk guys sitting there with Budweiser labels stuck to both of their foreheads. The officer does a double take, then asks, "Son, y'all been drinkin' tonight?"
The driver grins real big, points to his sticker, and says, "No officer, I'm on the patch."
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Old 02-02-09, 06:23 PM   #14
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A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally passes gas. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
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Old 02-07-09, 04:41 PM   #15
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oh that one is pretty good... also the old lady one was my favorite.... DONT MESS WITH OLD LADIES
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Old 02-07-09, 06:00 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1/4 stick View Post
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see them.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Old Ladies!
LOL, that was pretty funny..... I wounder if that would work with teens?
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