01-04-12, 05:07 AM | #1 |
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: JANESVILLE,WI. 53545
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Finally, instuctions I can follow!
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) ( I already shower with my cloths on to save water and time.) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???.....) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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01-04-12, 07:51 AM | #2 |
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Funny stuff. The first thing that comes to mind is lawsuits and lawyers. The only reason to have stuff like this on the labels. haha
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01-04-12, 03:38 PM | #3 |
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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I haven't paid much attention lately but every bag of rubber worms used to say "Not for human consumption"
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01-04-12, 05:22 PM | #4 |
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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That last one is halarious.
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01-04-12, 08:04 PM | #5 |
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Here's one I like on a can of Gillette FOAMY..."Do not use near fire or flame"....what's that mean? somewhere sometime there's a guy sittin in the fireplace and hollers out to his wife...Honey bring me a razor and a can of Foamy I think I need to shave. How dangerous can anything named Foamy be? I wouldn't even name a poodle Foamy
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01-04-12, 10:48 PM | #6 |
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: JANESVILLE,WI. 53545
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Ok, Here's the Rest
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some more actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. Enough said On a toboggan: Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions. On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp. On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover. On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot. Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly. they forgot, 'In case of extreme flash flood...bend over and kiss your behind' In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets. On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft: Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing. On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here. On a Harry Potter wizards broom: This broom does not actually fly. On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin. On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine. 'Again with the washing' On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. left off, then unbuckle pants, take seat, now S***, then repeat' In a kettle instruction manual: The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position. On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food. On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking. A car park sign: Entrance only. Do not enter. A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people. have same sign on my front porch Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted. gotta like this one Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA: Take care: new non-slip surface. On a can of air freshener: For use by trained personnel only. On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children. On a pair of socks bought in egypt: Do not wash. On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required. On a can of pepper spray used for self defense: May irritate eyes. On a Frisbee: Warning: may contain small parts. In a car handbook: In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors. On a packet of cashew nut pieces: Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts. Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one. On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less. In a hotel bedroom: Please do not turn on TV except when in use. In a lift in a Japanese hotel: Push this button in case anything happens. On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally. this one's way to easy On a can of Spray paint: Do not spray in your face. On a TV remote: Not Dishwasher safe. On a blowtorch: Not used for drying hair. even if I'm really in a rush? On a washing machine inn a launderette: No small children. On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as Ice Cream topping. dang it! On a push along lawn mower: Not to be used as a hedge trimmer. On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth. On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants. again, some one has to help me with this one In a dishwasher manual: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher. On a toaster: Do not use underwater. On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.
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