Dont' ya hate telemarketers?

[bassboogieman]

YES, IT'S LONG, cabin fever sucks, We've had snow on the ground the entire month of Feb., it snowed yesterday and the day before and another storm with PLOWABLE SNOW (I've grown to HATE that description) is headed this way this weekend, so if you don't have a "few minutes" check another post. And I'm attempting to outdo Joedog for "Longest Post of the Month".

I hate them. I'm listed on the "Do Not Call List", yet one or two call me every freakin' day (almost) and a few have tried calling my cell number. Don't you wish you could reach through the phone and grab them by the neck? I sometimes, out of boredom and frustration, answer a call and jerk them around a little but is doesn't deter them. I've given some of the hardcore ones a blast from a canned air horn and I may have deafened a couple but I didn't ask them to call. I really wish they would all be outlawed.

Example #1 (yesterday)
Telemarketer: May I speak to Mrs. Moore?
Me: She's not available.
Telemarketer: Would Mr. Moore be available?
Me: No (where the heck did I put that air horn)
Telemarketer: Well how about Mr. Less?
Me: (WTF, I got a comedian) You're fu**king funny pal can I have a call back number and I'll have him call you back? Oh and go f**k yourself while you wait. [click]

That was bad, I almost regret loosing my cool. But today...

Telemarketer: May I speak to Mrs. Moore.
Me: She's not available. (yeah I have a pattern)
Telemarketer: May I speak to Mr. Moore?
Me: You are. (I have to get another air horn)
Telemarketer: I'm calling in reference to your 2008 Grand Cherokee...
Me: (interrupting his spiel) Pal we traded that over a year ago.
Telemarketer: Oh, I'm sorry my information must be incorrect.
Me: Well your day's improving - you got something correct. [click]

Usually, I just hit the answer button when an unknown number comes up on caller ID, say hello and if I get dead air I hang up. But occasionally I feel the need to wait and try to annoy the caller as much as they annoy me or hit them with a blast to the ear. HONESTLY, is there a worse job than trying to make a buck by telemarketing?

Oh, I forgot I did get a bit of satisfaction a couple days ago by being a complete a$$ and imitating the Indian/Pakistani accent (poorly and intentionally so) of the caller and asking him if he was interested in a Dunkin' Donut franchise rather than making a living calling people he didn't know - he got a little angry with me (yes - fist pump) but I was saved by the [click]....

And finally the absolute best: A few weeks ago but it's made my all time top of the chart. I am not going to bore you will all the conversation (you are probably bored enough and considering stopping your read by now) as it went on for several minutes. It was one of my favorite telemarketer calls - if you can have a favorite - as it concerned my electric provider (I worked 41 years for our local utility and would NEVER consider being disloyal) and I was going to have a little fun with this poor Indian/Pakistani woman that interrupted my meditation. So after listening to this woman and asking her intelligent questions in regards to electric supply for about 5 minutes I became bored...

Telemarketer: So, Mr Moore can I send you the information regarding "x-y-z" electric?
Me: No thanks, as I said I worked for the local company that provided me with a good living and a good retirement. No, I'm happy, thanks.
Telemarketer: But Mr. Moore you are paying too much money.
Me: That's not the issue, loyalty is my point.
Telemarketer: But Mr Moore, loyalty is not putting extra money in your pocket.
Me: Well, as I said money isn't the issue, I have plenty.
Telemarketer: But Mr. Moore everyone can use extra money every month.
Me: No, extra money means nothing to me it's about being loyal and thankful for my former employer for providing me with so much, sticking with them as my electric supplier is the least I can do in return.
****Now I've been talking for almost 7 minutes to this woman, she must think I'm about to crack, she's CRAZY! I never crack.****
Telemarketer: Mr Moore, I will be saving you money just let me send you the
Me: [click]

30 seconds pass.... and the phone rings...
Telemarketer: Mr Moore, what happened?
Me: I hung up the phone.
Telemarketer: Why did you do that, do you not know I'm trying to save you money. Don't you understand English?
****remember this is an Indian/Pakistani woman with a very heavy accent**** I'm nearly hysterical with her last comment...
Me: (I can't not do it, I mock the accent) Obviously better than you do. [click]

She didn't call back so it was probably the accent causing the comprehension problem on her end.

So, I've decided sometimes when the notion strikes I'll just have some fun with them and while I'm jerking them around they are leaving some other unfortunate person alone. Some of them are really not very courteous though as they hang up on me, very soon after I start - hey, they expect me to listen so why don't they - I have to work on my technique. If the "Do Not Call List" obviously means nothing, then maybe my number will become infamous enough they'll leave me alone, yeah well I can always hope. Yep, I am admitting it, I've become a crotchety old curmudgeon.

I can't wait for spring so I'm not home when the darn phone rings.
Maybe I ought to get a day job? OMG, it's really getting bad if I'm thinking about going to w-o-r- k.

So, I guess it's off to Walmart for a new air horn, I can just see the little buggers ripping off their headsets now...