Goodbye Friend

[CMorg]

I am not looking for any pitty or feel sorry for me business. I just feel the need to get alittle of this off my chest and hopefully make others aware of this issue.

My best friend of 15+ years took his own life on 11/1/2010. I did all I could do to make him feel wanted by me , and my family ( he was wanted by us all ) My daughter loved him , my stepson loved him , he was a great guy , even trick or treated with us halloween night , carried my daughter like she was his for awhile. He was going threw a bad time in his life , I knew he was in trouble and did about everything I could think of at the time. He knew he needed help as he had been seeing a head doctor and was put on meds , that seemed to be helping. Then , he lost his job ( as a result of his problems , which were not work related ) I guess that was the straw that broke the camels back. I missed his phone call at 11am , and tried to call back 2 times until I got word at 5pm. I wish I would have answered that call. I dont know why it had to come to this. I will always have this regret. I introduced him to fishing , and had went with him numerous times the last 4 months. He talked of joing the bass club I am in as a nonboating partner with me. He really seemed to enjoy fishing. I just want everyone to know to please watch for signs , and dont hesitate to seek help for someone. I didnt know I wouldnt be able to talk to him about the job situation , I figured we would talk that night. The pain that comes from this unbelievable. I feel like I got punched in the gut for the last two days. Guys if any of you ever think about doing this to yourself , please dont. People do care for you , it really hurts others , even the ones you are not trying to hurt.

[Old Hooker]

I can only imagine your anguish and the "what if's" that must be going through your head right now.It sounds like you did what any man that called himself a friend could have done. Second guessing yourself and beating yourself up won't ease your pain or bring him back. The best thing you can do now is remember the good times you and your family had with him. I wish you and yours and easy way to cope with this. Remember, we are here if you need to unload.

[1/4 stick]

CMorg, I'm so sorry. I don't have any idea what to say to ease your mind. But you did all you could do.

[dave0943]

Originally Posted by CMorg

I am not looking for any pitty or feel sorry for me business. I just feel the need to get alittle of this off my chest and hopefully make others aware of this issue.

My best friend of 15+ years took his own life on 11/1/2010. I did all I could do to make him feel wanted by me , and my family ( he was wanted by us all ) My daughter loved him , my stepson loved him , he was a great guy , even trick or treated with us halloween night , carried my daughter like she was his for awhile. He was going threw a bad time in his life , I knew he was in trouble and did about everything I could think of at the time. He knew he needed help as he had been seeing a head doctor and was put on meds , that seemed to be helping. Then , he lost his job ( as a result of his problems , which were not work related ) I guess that was the straw that broke the camels back. I missed his phone call at 11am , and tried to call back 2 times until I got word at 5pm. I wish I would have answered that call. I dont know why it had to come to this. I will always have this regret. I introduced him to fishing , and had went with him numerous times the last 4 months. He talked of joing the bass club I am in as a nonboating partner with me. He really seemed to enjoy fishing. I just want everyone to know to please watch for signs , and dont hesitate to seek help for someone. I didnt know I wouldnt be able to talk to him about the job situation , I figured we would talk that night. The pain that comes from this unbelievable. I feel like I got punched in the gut for the last two days. Guys if any of you ever think about doing this to yourself , please dont. People do care for you , it really hurts others , even the ones you are not trying to hurt.

You know it seems to me you did all you could and you were the best friend he could have possibly had. He is in a much better place now.Its hard to watch a friend or family member battle with such problems and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it. He was lucky to have a friend that cared that much about him. Don't beat yourself up about not being there for the phone call. Chances are it might have happened any way.
Take care,
Dave

[BigBassin144]

Prayers sent for you, your family, and his.

It's awful to hear something like this, but remember, it's not your fault.

BB

[CMorg]

Thanks all , his mom is a mess , I talked to her for a few hours tonight.

[bamabassman]

cmorg, i am praying for you my friend. it hurts i know. it is NOT your fault though buddy. he was sick, and you did everything you could to help him. he knows that. times are tough in this world. it is not our place to ask why, what if or how, we jsut have to accept it and learn form it and try to help others when we can. the best way we can. i only hope oyu don't go beating yourself up too much. although it wasn't the same, but i somehow know how you feel. i don't know why things have happened to me like they have this past year. but i take confort in knowing i did what i could to try to help. it still gets to me from time to time, it always will. i think aobut things everytime i even THINK about fishing now. and only PRAY that i did all i could. remember your friend the way he was WITH you, smiling,laughing and having a good time with you. this will help. it does me. if there is anything WE can do. you just let us know man. we will do whatever we can to help you. you are NOT alone ok?
prayers also sent ot hte family. they too are thought of here.

[keithdog]

Bama pretty much said everything I was feeling. When I was a senior in high school a good friend of mine took her own life. For years I kept asking why I couldnt help her. I now know now that I couldn't. I doubt anyone could. I will be praying for you in hopes that you too will come to this conclusion and hopefully a sence of peace in your heart.

[Tavery5]

CMorg, sorry to hear this, it is a terrible thing. My wifes brother, took his own life several years ago. It is very devestating to friends and loved ones. Don't beat yourself up, your friends and family will need your support.

I will keep you and yours in my thoughts.

Tony

[cassidyta]

CMorg,

I am so sorry for the loss and the pain that you are feeling.

[nofearengineer]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Clint.

Don't blame yourself at all. It sounds like you were a far, far better friend to him than anyone else around him. Try to remember that if it weren't for you, he probably would have done it long before.

Sometimes, people just get down in a hole so deep, they can't see anything but the hole, and give up.

Just try to remember the good times and pray for his family.

[little z]

You did what you could. Bama did say it all for use. Some times asking Why just makes things harder to deal with. You must put it in Gods hands with knowing that everything happens for a reason. We might not like the reason or agree with it but we have to except it. This is one thing that I have learned way to well this year. Life is what we make of it. This is a hard lession to learn when we lose someone in our life.

[carolina-rig-01]

CMorg, I am so sorry for what you all are going through. I really don't know what else to say, can't find the words.

[66KingFisher]

Our family went thru something simular several years ago when a family member took his own life.....Oddly enough his emotional problems all started because of fishing.....He had a lure hit him in the eye and caused him to loose his eye....He never was the same after that, and no amount of doctors or family intervention ever changed his thought process.....We do what we can to help those we love and care for....the rest is in Gods hands.

I feel your pain Cmorg.....Sounds like you did all you could and then some.....Prayers sent your way buddy.

[Abbeysdad]

CMorg,

Sorry for your loss. When someone is ill (physical or emotional) there's only so much a friend can do to offer support. Emotions can be overwhelming and one can lose perspective and not see the light at the end of a tunnel. Another day, week or month and everything might have looked quite different.
Too many make a sad permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Know that you did what you could, but are not all powerful and his problems were greater to him than he could bear and handle.
Be strong.

[Rebbasser]

It is not your fault, buddy. Don't beat yourself up over it. Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot you can say other than I'll keep you in my prayers.

[CMorg]

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I wasnt really looking for all of it , but I am glad you all gave it , as I really feel it helped out. Today is his funeral ( Friday ) I am sure it will be difficult. His mom said he really enjoyed fishing , and even called her a few times talking about fish he had caught. She said she wants me to have his fishing poles. I am kindof lost on wheather or not I want them. Most of them were mine to begin with that I sold him for next to nothing so i could upgrade. I am just afraid that they will bring back bad memories instead of good , when I see them. What would you guys do ? Hang them on my fishing room wall. I know I will not ever use them. I just dont know. Again , thanks guys.

[WaffleJaw]

I keep coming to this thread wanting to say something..Its hard for the reasons of never having the words,and that it hits me really close to home.
I know how hard it to deal with this..Clint Im so sorry you and the families have to go through this.

My brother (also my best friend) took his life 6-27-08...For the longest time I said it was an accident.I think maybe Ive been in denial.Im still weird about what to call it..I think about it everyday...Theres still alot of unknown variables in his death that were never answered..No signs..It just happened and Ive made my peace with it.

But anyway,I think you should except the rods...I know it hurts and feels weird but I think, in time, it
will bring back great memories..Plus I think it will help his Mom feel a little better knowing she's trying to help you feel better....If you have a good picture of yall together,maybe hang his favorite rod next to that....I have alot of those type deals around the house and man they help me alot when I start missing him..which is often and I think its good to hold on to something physical if you have the chance to cherish the rest of your life.You dont even have to display it,just hang on to it,and when you cross paths with the rods again,say in your garage or where ever,it'll be a good reminder to take a minute to remember them,and maybe gave a good cry.

I hope you dont mind me telling this story.. The rods kinda remind me about it..After my brothers death.I had everything he owned in boxes in my living room that our friends packed up from his apartment.I was a mess,I mean a walking zombie.I was strong around family,but at home I was a different animal...I didnt touch those boxes for weeks.And there were alot of them just piled up all over the living room...Finally my wife told me she would help me unpacked them.
So one by one they were opened and unpacked..One thing about my brother was he was a big cat enthusiast..He had two cats and collected stupid,funny cat memorabilia.....He was also a bit of a stoner,lol.
Everything unpacked so far was his normal stuff and it was very hard for me....Until I came across a white cardboard box..I opened it,and inside was this cat doll that Ive never seen before...No one has ever seen it!...But it was a glass doll wearing purple and gold velvet renaissance clothes..(think about a musketeer with a cat head)
As soon as I saw it,I pictured my brother high as kite walking around where ever he was ,seeing this doll,and laughing uncontrollably as he wasted his money on it!

I dropped to the floor laughing!..I was laughing and crying at the same time...It freaked my wife out a little...I couldnt stop laughing..and it was that laugh that you dont wont anybody to hear..The one where you sound like a 15 yr old girl
That was the moment I kinda realized that I was going be ok...Its those little things that remind us to remember them..And you never know what form they'll come in.

Thats just why I think you should except the rods...Because every time you look at them,you remember him and good times yall had together.I know in the beginning it hurts to look at them...But later it becomes that good hurt I promise.

I ended up taking that ugly *** cat doll and sitting him on top of my amp during live shows and practices...That way I felt my brother was always there with me since he was a huge inspiration in my music as well as everything else.
And although I dont play in bands anymore,that doll stills sits on my amp at home.


Clint again man,Im so sorry for your loss but the best thing I can think to do is always remember them,and how they were and be there for your family and his.Surround yourself with loved ones..Its quite amazing what the power of that can do.

[Bubba_Bruiser]

I have come to this post a few times, but come up short on words. But I am sorry for your loss Clint. But I will keep you and his family in my prayers.

[bamabassman]

clint...........i too have come back a few times today trying to put into words what i see you going through. as you know ZOOKER came to my house his last week. you have read the thread and posts so i won't go over that again, besides, it still makes me choke up, and yes i cry about it. sometimes quietly, sometimes very loudly. i am also still coming to terms with it. see.......ZOOKER left me with his fishing stuff as well. yes i have quiet and arsenal now, but it isn't ALL the stuff he left me, it is the fact that HE wanted me to have it. there are some things that will never hit the water again. but there are also some things that will be used. AND there are things i am gonna give to some people that i think ZOOKER would agree with me giving them too. at the get together i am gonna bring these items. i can't afford to ship them and truly don't trust ANY shipping company anyway. so what i am tellng you is this my friend. take the fishing stuff, put them on the wall, put them in your colest till youare able to handle it again without saddness. if oyu look at these items and start balming yourself again, put them back away. you willknow when you are ready to look at this stuff and smile again, remembering the good times and the conversations you had. that is what helps me. i look back on ZOOKERS threads, post and remember the phone calls. and even taking him out with me on my rig to fish his last fishing trip on this earth. now..........when i am out on the water and have a ZOOKER set up in my hand......... i smile, look up and ask him to help me catch a bass. i really do this, no joke. if wha ti have rigged up doesn't work, i put it down and think.......what would he have tied on that set up......and redo it. look up again, ask again. if it doesn't work the second time. i say "you're messing with me again aren't you?" then i laugh OUT LOUD. cuz i can see and hear him laughing at me. and it helps me out. i am crying as i try to type this and laughing at the same time. i think you will understand as well as anyone that has had something lie this happen to them.
other than what i just wrote all i can add is this; take it one day at a time buddy, one day at a time. GOD LOVE YOU CMORG.

[MallenManson]

Very sorry to hear about this, CMorg. Keep your chin up