It just ain't our day!

[CarpMan]

Me and Polly have been at the Hospital all afternoon.. Becky came home and found Elmer lying unconscious on the floor in their bathroom and called 911. In the ER, Elmer was found to have a large lump on the top of his head and, strangely, several large scratches and puntcure wounds on his scrotum. The doctors figured the lump on his head was possibly caused by the fall or a knock on the head. However the source of the wounds on his scrotum remained a mystery until Elmer woke up and provided the docters with the following explanation. he said he had been cleaning the bathtub while naked, kneeling on the floor beside the tub. His cat "Butch" apparently transfixed by the rrhythmic swaying of his scrotum, lounged forward, stinking his claws and teeth into this pendolous target.This caused tremendous pain and Elmer rocketed upward stricking his head on the top frame of the shower door knocking him out cold.. The Dr told Elmer if he is to continue doing this fo him to wear knee pads, hard jock pad and helment... Elmer has lots of stitches in places where I wouldn't want to think about having.. It's pretty bad! Becky thinks her cat "Butch" might be gay. Polly called the SPCA and they are picking ole "Butch" up tomorrow.

[Rebbasser]

As Larry the Cable Guy says, "I don't care who you are-that's FUNNY!"

[pig n jig]

Reb, that hook in the finger sounds better by the minute doesn't it ? P N J

[PowerBass]

Thats A great stroy man!

[flbassman]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh Man That Has Gotta Hurt!!!!!!!!!

[Rebbasser]

Originally Posted by pig n jig

Reb, that hook in the finger sounds better by the minute doesn't it ? P N J

Given the choice between the two I'd say it does

Git-r-doooooooooooooooooooooooooooone!

[flfireman]

There would be a dead cat after that.

[CarpMan]

Elmer is doing well as can be expected with his genetiles swolen like they are, he can’t walk, nor can he set on a flat surface, so we have a potty chair for him to set on while the family enjoys wrestlin togather. And Ole Butch is comming home today from the SPCA. Becky is relieved that Ole Butch is not gay. They put him in a crib with some other tom cats and Ole Butch cleaned house, he never once made a play at one of the other cats. The Vet has checked him and he is doing great, says he is a little traumatized from the shower activity he had with Elmer. The Vet wants the family to give him all the TLC we can give him... Elmer holds no anamosity towards Butch....The family is happy that Elmer has forgiven Butch.... Elmer has made a promise to Becky. As long as they have Ole Butch in the house, he said he'’ll never go around the house naked with his thangs a swamging no more...

[pig n jig]

Carpman, If I wer you, I would have a talk with Butch. I would tell him if he tries pulling that stunt on you, your going to send him to the nearest Chinese restaurant and he won't be coming back home because you ain't ordering any take outs to go.When elmer gets out of his potty chair, put plastic wrap over the hole with a little slack in the plastic to pour some rubbing alcohol onto the plastic wrap so when he sits down,he will yowl like a old Tom cat for a second or two. P N J

[bassintom]

PNJ,you are a hoot....lmao

[CarpMan]

Originally Posted by pig n jig

When elmer gets out of his potty chair, put plastic wrap over the hole with a little slack in the plastic to pour some rubbing alcohol onto the plastic wrap so when he sits down,he will yowl like a old Tom cat for a second or two. P N J

Mr.Pig n Jig, That might be a fun thing to do just to see how high Ole Elmer would go into space! Altho I would have to attach one of my parachutes to him to make sure he returns safely. I might wheel him down by the pond and give it a try, it might boast his morale. And if he gets a little upset, I'll put the blame on "Ole Butch". Thanks, good idea.

[pig n jig]

I was going to say pour turpentine instead since it was applied externally to affected areas since the ancient times, but I am not sure what the speed limit is in your town. I didn't want Elmer get a traffic violation when he passed a few vehicles in a no passing zone as he sprinted for help to get rid of the burning sensation that would have happened.Did you know they put Turpentine in Vicks ?You can mix turpentine and cod liver oil together and apply it to your chest to relieve nasal and throat problems from the common cold ?You can use Tallow as well but the people like to hang that up for the birds to eat during the winter.Well it was nice visiting with ya. Tell the folks I said hi. P N J

[CarpMan]

Originally Posted by pig n jig

I was going to say pour turpentine instead since it was applied externally to affected areas since the ancient times, but I am not sure what the speed limit is in your town. I didn't want Elmer get a traffic violation when he passed a few vehicles in a no passing zone as he sprinted for help to get rid of the burning sensation that would have happened.Did you know they put Turpentine in Vicks ?You can mix turpentine and cod liver oil together and apply it to your chest to relieve nasal and throat problems from the common cold ?You can use Tallow as well but the people like to hang that up for the birds to eat during the winter.Well it was nice visiting with ya. Tell the folks I said hi. P N J

Well bless my soul! I thought us Country folk were the only people that knew about Turpentine and Tallow. I’ve used your remedies many a time. Becky has all of Elmers hangy down thangs that Butch damaged rolled and wrapped up in home made remedies that her grandmother passed down to her. Elmer wouldn’t dare let her use what the DR.prescribed. Elmer said the feeling was soothing as she was wrapping and applying the mixture to the wounds. But when nite falls he's in misery, he has a hard time going to sleep, cause we have to tie him in the potty chair in the upright setting position and secure him enough so that he doesn’t fall off the potty while sleeping, and we have to make sure that Butch is locked up and secure.....There is no speed limit up here in our hollow. We live at the dead end of a 7 mile dirt road which belongs to Elmer. The population up here is four people, plus several cats, dogs and farm animals and all the wild animals that pass to and fro at all times. We have two ponds, one for Carp and one for Bass...Our closest neighbor lives about 5 miles over the mountain on the west side of Coal Ridge. His name is Gus, and he climbs over three mountain ranges once a week to pay Elmer a visit. He says it’s closer than walking around. Elmer told him, it might be closer, but you can save 4 hrs and no wear and tare on the body by walking around, but Gus don’t understand plain geometry... Everone says Hi back to you. And thanks for the memories of Turpentine and Tallow.

[pig n jig]

Carpman, The people who have listened to their elders are farther ahead than those who already know everything and didn't pay attention.The turpentine post reminds me of a cousin who's arm was cut by a chainsaw. Instead of taking him to a hospital, my aunt and uncle used turpentine on the gash and used duct tape and first aid tape to close the skin together so it could heal.The wound healed into a pink rubber looking strip, looking like chewed bubblegum,it really never bothered him much, but seemed as though of lately he became handicapped again.Its not from the chainsaw injury, he is always holding a beer in one hand whenever I see him.I told him today,I would send him out to Texas for a vacation,but he had no interest in going. Texas has a Public intoxication law subject to a $500.00 fine.getting caught once or twice would cure his handicap so he could use both arms again.He always reminds me about the time I got mad at him when he had his turpentine soaked bandages on, I chased him with a cigarette lighter going to set his bandage on fire.Turpentine is pretty flammable, he stayed up in the woods all night and I got in trouble by my parents for it.Hard to believe he still remembers it after 20 something years ago. P N J

[bass kicker]

first off i dont think you should walk around the house cleaning naked

thing are bound to happen how would he feel if he poured industrial grade floor cleaner on his nut sack can i say burn