12-05-08, 06:00 PM | #1 |
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And to think we pay for this service??
These are quite entertaining! Especially the last couple...And yes, they are from actual court cases.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved! In voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, He doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty. __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you (kidding) me? __________________________________________________ _______ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid. __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new attorney? __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition Notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. __________________________________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead People? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to Rephrase that? __________________________________________________ _______ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. __________________________________________________ _______ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an Autopsy on him! __________________________________________________ _______ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? __________________________________________________ _______ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a Pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, Nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing Law.
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12-05-08, 09:58 PM | #2 |
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and THAT ia why i did NOT want to be a lawyer. hahahahahahahahahahaha.
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12-06-08, 01:16 AM | #3 |
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12-06-08, 10:00 AM | #4 |
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HAHAHAHAHA.... That made my mornin.....
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12-06-08, 01:57 PM | #5 |
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Love that movie!!!!!!!!!!!
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