The test

[ROBZILLA]

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF EXAMINATION
>
>
>1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
>It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent
>the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah
>diet.
>
>2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
>gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
>delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
>just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your
>*** over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun,
>come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
>
>3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
>nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
>bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet,
>or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
>undeniably a fag.
>
>4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
>lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
>bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
>5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. A

>straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've
>put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
>6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
>dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ***. A real
>man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
>well as all the names of all the players in the Major Leagues, NFL, NHL,
>college ball, PGA and NASCAR (or important facts about Star Wars.) If you
>can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay. And
>if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
>
>7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
>tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
>slow-*** driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that
>hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, scratch
>his balls, or play with his broad in the passenger seat.