Tonto is Da Man!

[CarpMan]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep...Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars.."What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, and then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?" Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi, you dumb azz. Someone has stolen tent"

[flbassman]

I remember some joke about the lone ranger, tonto and a rattlesnake. Anybody wanna fill in the blanks, it's all fuzzy in my head.

[JB]

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger had to take a whiz . So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my wang
go to town and ask the doctor what to do."
So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?"
The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and make an x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck out the venim."
Tonto thanks the doctor and rides back to Lone Ranger and Lone Ranger asks "What did the doctor say?" Tonto looks at Lone Ranger and says "Doctor say you gonna die!"

[CarpMan]

Two cowboys and Tonto were sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys and Indians are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands." The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."..Tonto remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his p***s.

[flbassman]

Originally Posted by JB

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger had to take a whiz . So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my wang
go to town and ask the doctor what to do."
So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?"
The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and make an x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck out the venim."
Tonto thanks the doctor and rides back to Lone Ranger and Lone Ranger asks "What did the doctor say?" Tonto looks at Lone Ranger and says "Doctor say you gonna die!"

Thanks, thats the one!

[bassinbob]

One day there was a naked Indian lying on a rock his manhood pointing straight up to the sky. Along comes a cowboy and asks, Hey Indian what the heck you doing?" The Indian said, "Telling the time." "OK" says the cowboy. "What time is it?" "It's a half past 10," said the Indian. The cowboy looks at his pocketwatch and thinks to himself, Yep it's a half past 10. He rides on. Two or three more cowboys ride by and go through the whole process with the Indian giving the correct time each time. Then this one cowboy rides along and see the Indian doing what comes naturally when there are no squaws around. The cowboy asks, "What the heck are you doing?" The Indian looks up with crossed eyes and says, "Winding my watch."

Bob