Madtoms & Crack Poison

[CarpMan]

mine an pollys place here on the farm is working with tha aminals and diving in tha carp pond with our new wet suits collecting crawfish and madtoms for elmers work. but this time of the year, tha water is purty kool. so elmer got us a water heater fur our wet suits. me an polly have tested them and found no problums... we take tha hose an stuff it down in our speedos, an it fills them with warm water, jist like being in a hot tub...Now i ask polly if it wuz ok if i told this to youall, she sade it will be ok, cuz it may help a basser in tha future...Polly wanted to dive by herself last wednesday, and everthing wuz going well until all of a sudden she sade her butt started itchen and she started scratchen it and made thangs wurse.. she sade it itched so bad that she had to pull tha hose out of tha speedos, but when she did she sade tha damage wuz already done..She realized what had happened, some how tha pump had sucked up a crawfish and a madtom and dump them into her speedos. now since polly dont have hair on her back, tha crawfish culdnt stick to it and tha madtom didnt have a place to hide, so them two little critters wuz scramblin fur a place to hide, and polly wuz a scratchen so they went to tha closest place, You guessed it! Pollys butt crack...When polly wuz scratchen, all she wuz doing wuz promoting a fight with them two....she radioed up to me and elmer and sade she wuz in big trouble.. needles to say, she started kicken her flappers and gaining altitude faster than any human could go unless thay been shot frum a torpedo gun...she made three stops on tha way up , and when the arived at the surface, she wuz completly udressed.. i throwd her a towel and sade" run to tha house and rub sum cream on your butt". Now polly is a little womun, but sumpthen happen to cuz her to swell up, cuz when she wuz a runnen to tha house, she had scratched that thang until it swelled up and looked like a big ole red beech ball bouncen.... she sade tha cream put tha fire out, but tha itch wuz still there. we kept her on her stomach fur 24 hours, cuz she wuz in terbul pain. She culdnt poop fur 3 days cuz her butt wuz swelled shut from tha madtom poision... Tha Dr, sade when polly wuz scratchen, she made tha madtom mad and it wuz a biten her and the crawfish waz fighten tha madtom over who wuz going to take up residence in that forbiden place.....Polly is doin well, the swelleness is gone down and the colour is back to a purty pink.. But she is worried about sum of you bassers that set in yuor bassboats showen off your buttcrack, she sade a lot of things could fly down in there and cuz you to have a bad day. She thinks a dragonfly might fly down in there an hurt one of you, and she wunts yuall to be keerful...