Leaving For Good

[JB]

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! Your EX-Wife


Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I bass fish so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

[flbassman]

Thats funny stuff there.....

[bassinbob]

JB that's funny. But in my case almost true. My girlfriend of four years is moving out this saturday. I guess my being a fireman and fisherman is too much time to myself and not to her. Well life goes on. This time I'm going to look for a lady that loves to fish. The bait monkey is going to be on vacation here. lol. Ex-girlfriend paid all the utilities.

Bob

[flfireman]

That can be a tough schedule for some to handle. My wife is pretty cool w/ it. I don't fish as much, to many honey do's, but I at least manage 1-2 days a week. Never knew you were a fireman. JB, what can I say. Another classic born from your keyboard.

[JB]

Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25
years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed
and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night
with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big
bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It
seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot
25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be
living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa
bed.

[CarpMan]

Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18yr old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. You’re Husband.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18yr old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes INTO 54 more times than 54 goes INTO 18. Therefore, don't wait up!! You’re Wife