Things I've learned from my kids

[Jim80]

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.
11. "Play-Doh" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
21. Cats spit up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[mariner]

lolololololololololololololololololol has all that stuff hapened to you

[Fishbear]

I needed that after today. Thanks for the laugh.

[MississippiBoy]

Originally Posted by Jim80

3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

Oh reeeeeaaaaally??????? Hmmm......

[1/4 stick]

5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

You should turn the fan on high and try it with a handfull of superballs.

NOTE: take cover, use safety glasses, duck

[rodman rat]

Jim I had no idea our kids knew each other!!!!
I do not care who you are that is FUNNY!!!!!
BUT
true

[MrPhotographer06]

i'm thinking about trying the clorox and brakefulid one in a minute..

[MississippiBoy]

Jim, you're gonna be charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor...just be ready for the cops to knock on your door.

[Jim80]

i don't think they'll cross state lines for that

[BigBassin144]

Originally Posted by MrPhotographer06

i'm thinking about trying the clorox and brakefulid one in a minute..

Me to.

I read this a long time ago and I believe it was originally by a mom in Texas somewhere. Still funny though!

BB

[flfireman]

brake fluid and clorox makes smoke. Brake fluid on a chlorine tablet will get you arrested for arson. If you try it.... do it outside and away from anything else flammable.

[MississippiBoy]

Fireman, you shouldn't have told me that...

My "fire monkey" just grinned really big...

[Jim80]

oh god if i turn the news on to see wild fires burning out of control in mississippi I'll know why ,, don't feed the fire monkey

[MississippiBoy]

Yeah, mine's so bad, people used to call me to come burn their brushpiles for them...I have had my eyebrows/arm hair/skin torched off of me several times over the years.

[1/4 stick]

All I can tell ya is never restart a fire in a fire barrel wit gasoline..may not ignite at first, just smoke, so you'll be tempted to throw in a match....

WHOOOOSHHHHHH

biiiiiiiggggg

WHHHHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHH

[MississippiBoy]

I never was this stupid, though:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VCT8ZpHEF5w