Walmart banned me

Captmikestarrett · 07-14-12, 11:21 AM

Yesterday at Wal-Mart I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Dixie Belle. I was in the check-out line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, but that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I told her I probably shouldn’t because last time I’d ended up in the hospital! I’d lost 50 pounds when I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I thought I’d try it again. By this time everyone in this line (and others) was now enthralled with my weight loss story.

Horrified, she asked if I was in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no – I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s *** and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore!

Capt Mike

bassboogieman · 07-14-12, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore!

And that's a bad thing?

So what does Irish Setter's *** smell like? Crap, nevermind I don't really want to know.

joedog · 07-14-12, 12:22 PM

That may be the funniest story I ever heard!

nobass · 07-14-12, 12:28 PM

that a good one

Top Tiger · 07-14-12, 01:07 PM

My wife loved that Irish Setter. You pervert

keithdog · 07-14-12, 01:27 PM

LMAO!!! I wonder if she will consider the diet for herself, haha.

nofearengineer · 07-14-12, 01:53 PM

LMAO...thanks for the great story, Cap'n.

Abbeysdad · 07-14-12, 04:45 PM

lol - funny

kennethdaysale · 07-14-12, 05:38 PM

That is a funny story. I think the version I heard changed the punch line from an ICU to a jail cell and instead of stepping off a curve it was something about licking ye olde brown-eye in public.

Bassboss · 07-14-12, 05:46 PM

lmao!! great story!

1/4 stick · 07-14-12, 07:22 PM

Gonna have to steal that one. fuuunnnnyyy!

joedog · 07-14-12, 10:19 PM

I have now read your post for the fifth time today and again that maybe the funniest story I've ever heard and those who know me know I'm into the funny things in life.
Thanks again Capt.

bamabassman · 07-17-12, 09:10 PM

i am laughing out loud at this one capn.

07-14-12, 11:21 AM	#1
Captmikestarrett BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: Accokeek MD Posts: 3,315	Walmart banned me Yesterday at Wal-Mart I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Dixie Belle. I was in the check-out line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, but that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I told her I probably shouldn’t because last time I’d ended up in the hospital! I’d lost 50 pounds when I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I thought I’d try it again. By this time everyone in this line (and others) was now enthralled with my weight loss story. Horrified, she asked if I was in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no – I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s *** and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore! Capt Mike __________________ Capt Mike Starrett light tackle guide Potomac River http://www.indianheadcharters.com

07-14-12, 12:22 PM	#3
joedog BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: JANESVILLE,WI. 53545 Posts: 3,415	That may be the funniest story I ever heard! __________________ "Fishing isn't life or death... it's more important than that."

07-14-12, 12:28 PM	#4
nobass BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: clarksville, tn, Posts: 1,690	that a good one __________________ the only easy day was yesterday

07-14-12, 01:27 PM	#6
keithdog BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: IN Posts: 8,308	LMAO!!! I wonder if she will consider the diet for herself, haha. __________________ Just one more cast, and then some!

07-14-12, 01:53 PM	#7
nofearengineer BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Southwest IN Posts: 5,630	LMAO...thanks for the great story, Cap'n. __________________ Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after.

07-14-12, 01:07 PM	#5
Top Tiger BassFishin.Com Active Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: Waynesville, NC Posts: 245	My wife loved that Irish Setter. You pervert

07-14-12, 04:45 PM	#8
Abbeysdad BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Central NY - Finger Lakes Posts: 1,307	lol - funny __________________ Fish now, work later

07-14-12, 05:38 PM	#9
kennethdaysale BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: rock hill, sc Posts: 2,315	That is a funny story. I think the version I heard changed the punch line from an ICU to a jail cell and instead of stepping off a curve it was something about licking ye olde brown-eye in public. __________________ Sometimes you gotta risk it to get the biscuit.

07-14-12, 05:46 PM	#10
Bassboss BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Shawano, WI Posts: 7,761	lmao!! great story! __________________ If you can't fix it with heavy squats or fish oil, you're probably going to die.

07-14-12, 07:22 PM	#11
1/4 stick BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Fayetteville, N.C. Posts: 3,529	Gonna have to steal that one. fuuunnnnyyy! __________________ Just a redneck having fun. https://www.youtube.com/user/donaldvlogsify

07-14-12, 10:19 PM	#12
joedog BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: JANESVILLE,WI. 53545 Posts: 3,415	I have now read your post for the fifth time today and again that maybe the funniest story I've ever heard and those who know me know I'm into the funny things in life. Thanks again Capt. __________________ "Fishing isn't life or death... it's more important than that."

07-17-12, 09:10 PM	#13
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	i am laughing out loud at this one capn. __________________ so many lures, so little time.

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