The "Retrosexual" Code

MississippiBoy · 03-17-09, 10:32 AM

Shamelessly stolen from another forum. Does this fit you?

==================================================
The Code:

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods).

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.

This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.

Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou little , and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc.etc.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.

Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt)

NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

WTL · 03-17-09, 12:31 PM

Good list, but it leaves off one thing.

A retrosexual does not refer to himself as a retrosexual.

MississippiBoy · 03-17-09, 12:33 PM

Yeah, that name kinda bugged me, too, but I didn't want to have to change the name in every line. Might could use "real man" or just "man" instead...

WTL · 03-17-09, 12:35 PM

Man is the correct term. Chuck Norris is also acceptable if one is Chuck Norris.

MississippiBoy · 03-17-09, 12:39 PM

There is only one Chuck Norris.

aikenyounggun · 03-17-09, 02:03 PM

man i cant stand people at school who dont treat the pledge with proper respect..... also i cant stand kids that are punks and wont open doors or give up their seats

one more: if there are moer than 1000 stupid jokes about you, you are not a retrosexual

bye chuck norris

Jim80 · 03-17-09, 05:23 PM

Loved the chuck norris reference , good list mb

flbassman · 03-17-09, 06:01 PM

Man, Aiken, chuck is gonna hunt you down and hang your balls in his rearview mirror.

lowrider · 03-17-09, 06:05 PM

chuck norris doesn't hunt people down, they just sense he's coming and surrender.

OrygunBasser · 03-17-09, 06:37 PM

http://www.nochucknorris.com/

Lancer6 · 03-17-09, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WTL

Good list, but it leaves off one thing.

A retrosexual does not refer to himself as a retrosexual.

Right you are, Laddie...I've never referred to myself that way...but others have

LancerTheRetroSix

jooleyen · 03-17-09, 08:55 PM

This post is perfect and needs to be put on billboards all over.

bamabassman · 03-17-09, 10:25 PM

great list mb. and so very true too.

flfireman · 03-18-09, 05:07 PM

Chuck knows you made fun of him! just because you typed his name.

Bubba_Bruiser · 03-18-09, 10:46 PM

May the Chuck have mercy!!!

You better say 15 Hail Chucks for repentance. Awesome list MS Boy. I need to post this on the rig.

03-17-09, 10:32 AM	#1
MississippiBoy BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: May 2007 Location: Ridgeland MS Posts: 3,923	The "Retrosexual" Code Shamelessly stolen from another forum. Does this fit you? ================================================== The Code: A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods). A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title. A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou little , and in the long run, she ain't worth it. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot. Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part. A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc.etc. When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face. A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance. A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils. A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm. A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country. A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him. A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT. __________________ I smell smoke, and I hear sirens. Do you think that's a problem?

03-17-09, 12:31 PM	#2
WTL BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Huntsville, Al Posts: 7,466	Good list, but it leaves off one thing. A retrosexual does not refer to himself as a retrosexual. __________________ Selling live waterdogs for less since 2005.

03-17-09, 12:33 PM	#3
MississippiBoy BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: May 2007 Location: Ridgeland MS Posts: 3,923	Yeah, that name kinda bugged me, too, but I didn't want to have to change the name in every line. Might could use "real man" or just "man" instead... __________________ I smell smoke, and I hear sirens. Do you think that's a problem?

03-17-09, 12:35 PM	#4
WTL BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Huntsville, Al Posts: 7,466	Man is the correct term. Chuck Norris is also acceptable if one is Chuck Norris. __________________ Selling live waterdogs for less since 2005.

03-17-09, 12:39 PM	#5
MississippiBoy BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: May 2007 Location: Ridgeland MS Posts: 3,923	There is only one Chuck Norris. __________________ I smell smoke, and I hear sirens. Do you think that's a problem?

03-17-09, 02:03 PM	#6
aikenyounggun BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: aiken, SC Posts: 2,051	man i cant stand people at school who dont treat the pledge with proper respect..... also i cant stand kids that are punks and wont open doors or give up their seats one more: if there are moer than 1000 stupid jokes about you, you are not a retrosexual bye chuck norris __________________ <>< Rather be Fishing ><>

03-17-09, 05:23 PM	#7
Jim80 BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Thomaston CT Posts: 3,862	Loved the chuck norris reference , good list mb __________________ In memory of Zooker 1/11/73-7/2/2010. You will be sorely missed and never forgotten.

03-17-09, 06:01 PM	#8
flbassman BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Jacksonville Florida Posts: 2,840	Man, Aiken, chuck is gonna hunt you down and hang your balls in his rearview mirror. __________________ R.I.P. Zooker

03-17-09, 06:05 PM	#9
lowrider BassFishin.Com Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: South Arkansas Posts: 937	chuck norris doesn't hunt people down, they just sense he's coming and surrender.

03-17-09, 06:37 PM	#10
OrygunBasser BassFishin.Com Active Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Lakeside, Oregon Posts: 159	http://www.nochucknorris.com/ __________________ You may practice catch and release as a religion but that doesn't mean that the next person has to bow down to your god!

03-17-09, 08:55 PM	#12
jooleyen BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 1,509	This post is perfect and needs to be put on billboards all over.

03-17-09, 10:25 PM	#13
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	great list mb. and so very true too. __________________ so many lures, so little time.

03-18-09, 05:07 PM	#14
flfireman BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Palm Bay, Fl Posts: 2,751	Chuck knows you made fun of him! just because you typed his name. __________________ In the Lord all things are possible.

03-18-09, 10:46 PM	#15
Bubba_Bruiser BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: South MS Posts: 3,659	May the Chuck have mercy!!! You better say 15 Hail Chucks for repentance. Awesome list MS Boy. I need to post this on the rig. __________________ \,,,,/ ROCK ON! HRN4L!

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