Don't drink anything while reading this

[bcklash]

I just read this (BFHP) and my sides are still hurting.


So me and my fishun pal are headed to the lake one afternoon for some night fishun'. We figured we'd stop at an Exxon about a mile from the lake ramp and get some sundries and fuel and ice. There's a big oak at the edge of the Exxon lot with lots of shade so I pull under it to do some arranging. We're seriuosly organizing the boat under a big ol oak tree in the shade after moving outa the way of the gas pumps. Welp, this Subaru "I think" comes pulling into the parking lot making the gawd awfulest noise you ever heard. It pulled up to the door and the rear of the car was at us and I noticed it had outa state Virginia tags. They went in and my pal saw the lady at the register pointing at US!! Needless to say the ladies were easy on the eye's so to speak. They came out the door, got in their car and backed it right over next to the back of the boat.
Two young ladies traveling through the small town going home after a few days in Pigeon Forge started hearing something going on with their car out on I-40 and came into town to find a repair shop.
"Just my luck"!!
The girls get out and walk over and ask if we could have a look at their car. The driver said, "it's making a terrible noise under the hood". My pal said yea, we heard it when you pulled in. One of them said, the lady in the gas station said there was a repair about 7 miles up the road and I'm wondering if we'll make it there?????
Well, me being the nice stupid idiot I am says, sure! We'll have a look!!! So we walk over to the car and after about taking 10 minutes to figure out how to open the hood of the car, I look at my pal and said," you know anything about these things?? Well, I get a deer in the headlight look from him and mumbled, figures??? He said, "go on HERO, have at it".....
So with the hood finally up I'm looking through it checking pulleys and bearings and rolling this and that and scratching my head...WTF???? The sound it was making sounded just like a pulley bearing on the alternator or something. I asked her to start it up, she did... Nothing, nada,,,,not a damn thing...Okay turn it off!! She did,,I stuck my head back under the hood and moved this and that around trying to be a genius!! I noticed one thing though,,the fan was on a temperture switch and it didn't come on when she started it!!! I was sure it was a bearing because of the whistling, rattling sound.
I poke my head back in again and asked her to start it!! This time I'm looking really good and intent on helping these gals out.
Finally!! I found it!!! Or should I say,"it found me"...
You know that temperature automatic fan? That Bastage kicked on,,,and when it did!!! There was pieces of the fan belt beat the living sh!t out of me!!! MAN! In the split second my head was under that hood, I took the worst slappin' around in my friggin life!!!! GAWD DAMB!!!That sonamabeach striped me about the head, neck and shoulders for what felt to be an eternity!!!! Jeezus, I thought a friggen power line fell me!!!!! The fan ate my hat, it took it right off my head first thing and those pharkin' pieces of fan belt put "BIG AZZ WHELPS" on my neck, checks and ears!!! I think I also had'em on my scalp!!! The fan finally slung my hat 30 feet away from the car!!! I'm runnin' around in the front of the car stringing superlatives together that'd never been heard....It felt like you'd dropped a hornets nest on my head!! Those little automatic fans turn fast x3, I'm here to tell ya!!! The gal in the front of the car was screaming turn it off,,turn it off!! Oh my gawd!!!! She didn't even know what was going on...
After all the screaming was over(primarily done by me)and I got my senses back(which took about 2 or 3 minutes)I walked over picked up my hat and went to the boat, got out a hand towel wet it down with a bottle of ice cold water and went to wipeing down my top knot...Still stinging from those 3 strings of fan belt beating the sh!t outa me I went to the boat, got out a pair of braid scissors and cut those strings of fan belt off. You basturds!! I said, when I cut the pieces off!!!! Three of'em anywhere from 1/16th to 1/4 of an inch thick and long enough to be a grandmas switch!! I walked to a trash can shoved'em in and said mutha fockers....The little gal giggled, the driver was still wondering what the hail just happened and Gerald was laugh- ing his azz off..
After that,,everything was okay! I told the girls with that being an automatic fan they'd be fine to drive 7 miles up the road and it shouldn't make anymore noise unless it tore off more. Gerald told them to tell the guys at the garage not to put their heads under the hood.. Go figure !!!!!!!!!
Hero

[CMorg]

bclash , that was by far the funniest thing ive read on here , ever. I literally had tears runnin' down my face. I could actually see this happening. Great read !!

[Bo Dale James Jr.]

Boy, what'd you doin' with that wheel barrow...you don't know nuthin' about m'chinery..
Mind yer topknot too...http://www.frontiernet.net/~mbbradshaw/topknot.wav

[cassidyta]

That is the type of stuff that will kill chivalry for sure. Thanks for making my morning with such a great story.

[BassinID]

Haha, that's a great post, Reminds me of a certain incident with testing a battery and shocking the shi^^ out of my face in front of my g/f. Yep stuff like that is pretty embarrassing.

[zooker]

dam where is the video of that?? i can see it now viginia farm boy gets "belted" by a moountain virginie gal..

zooker

[bamabassman]

hahahaha, that has to be one of the funniest things i ever read, thanks lash.

[66KingFisher]

Way to go dude.....you just caused me to wake up the grandbaby with my laughing.

[Bassboss]

ROTLF!!!

I was laughing my azz off and I wasn't even there!

That was a pretty good read lash! Was very well written!

X's 2 on what bama said!

[Basscrazie]

Thats some funny chit