Some Fishing Jokes

[BigBassin144]

Two fellows are out fishing on the lake. A hearse and funeral procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of the fellows stands up and holds his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passes. His buddy comments, "Gee Harry, that was really nice and respectful." Harry replys, "Well after all, we were married for 40 years."


These two guys are ice fishin',and one says: "they ain't bitin", the other one notices a snowmobile and says: "Well, those guys that are trolling don't look like they're catchin' much either."


There was a priest that loved to stream fish. One year there was a problem every time he had a chance to go fishing the weather was bad or it was on Sunday, when he had to work. All year he was unable to go. Finally it was the last week before the streams closed. The weather was bad all week until Sunday, when the weather was great. The priest could not resist, he called a fellow priest claiming to be very sick and asked if he could take over his sermon.
The flyfishing priest drove over 200 miles, not wishing to see anyone he knew.
An angel seeing the priest playing hooky went to God and said "Your not going to let him get away with this are you?". God agreed he should do something .
The first cast the priest made was perfect. The fly floated past a log and a huge mouth gulped the fly down. For 45 minutes the priest ran up and down the stream fighting the mighty fish. At the end he held a 50" world record rainbow trout.
Confused the angel asked God, "What are you doing?".
God replied "Think about it, who's he going to tell?"


Wanted: Woman who can cook, clean house, take out the trash, mow the lawn, tie flies and build fishing rods, clean wild game and fish, has hunting dog and drift boat. Please send pictures of drift boat and dog.


A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway. He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!


16 Ways to tell you're a fisherman.
1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone








BB

[BigBassin144]

Couple more.

18 REASON FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX

18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines..
17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fishing.

15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing,you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago

13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

12 - When you see a really good Fisherperson, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.

6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"









BB

[BigBassin144]

HOW YOU KNOW YOU"VE CHOOSEN THE WRONG GUIDE

1. He's got the open engine manual sitting on the console next to the controls.
2. He screams "Yeehaa," as he turns the boat away from the dock and pushes the throttle forward.

3. He thinks it's an asset that he can drive so fast that he gets the boat completely out of the water.

4. It takes him two hours and twenty-five minutes to reach your fishing destination on a five hour charter.

5. He can't stop laughing when he realizes that his brother the Sheriff gave you a speeding ticket on your way to his boat, and says nothing about getting the ticket cancelled.

6. He casually tells you that on days he can't get a charter he's a delivery driver for Pizza Hut.

7. He goes on for hours about how boats are safer than cars, but only because there are less vehicles directly next to one to hit. He runs aground three times during this oration.

8. He goes on for hours about his alien abduction experiences, with much detail given to the tests they supposedly performed on him.

9. The other fishing guides hold up protective religious icons as he passes by.

10. At the end of the day's catchless fishing, he begs you to allow him to use your name as a reference, because none of his other 110 charters would.









BB

[BigBassin144]

Two fishermen travel 100 miles to try out a new fishing spot. They buy a variety of bait and lures and rent a boat. After a long day of fishing, the two fishermen return to the dock. The first fisherman pulls their only catch from the live well, a scrawny bass just legal size. He says, Boy! This fish cost us about $75. The second fisherman says, Well it's a good thing we didn't catch any more.




A guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice.

Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again. Then he hears the voice again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up toward the sky and thinks to himself, "God, is that you?"

There is no answer, so he starts picking again. The voice bellowed again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Then the guy yells, "God, is that you?"

The voice answered, "NO. IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."






BB

[Jim80]

very funny dude very funny