Fun With Tasers

[JB]

Could you take it?

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/1128/

[bassintom]

looks like a lot of fun..bill m(jersey basser that visits lots of forums) zapped himself accidentally one day.
here's his story...ENJOY!

My First Taser Experience
>
> My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be
>something akin to "Well, I have out done myself this time."
>Kinda like when a girl sees a hole she thinks to herself "hey that's a
>hole"
>When a guy sees a hole he thinks "hey that's a hole, I should probably
>stick my finger into it and see what happens....
>
> No doubt.
>
> Here goes...
> Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy.
>(Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.)
>I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 18th
>anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet
>girl.
>What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a
>clip.
>
>For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a
>less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an
>assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you
>flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived with no
>long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time
>to retreat to safety.
>
> You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the
>button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching,
>whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in
>action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!
>
> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
>
>I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
>
>Nothing!
>
> I was so disappointed.
>
> Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I
>found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an
>arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I
>learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a
>metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
>forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so!
>Awesome! Sparks, and a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!
>
> Yippeeee!
>
> I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain
>to her what that burn spot on the face of her microwave is.
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
>couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc.etc.
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little
>soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking
>that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I
>must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and
>thought better of it. He is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was
>going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I
>did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I
>wrong to think that? It seemed reasonable to me at the time. So, there I
>sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my glasses perched delicately
>on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in the other. The
>directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
>assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a
>loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your
>assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long,
>less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with
>two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "No friggin' way!"
>
> Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
>
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
>
> Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what
>followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with his head ****ed
>to one side as to say, "Don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second
>burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound,
>rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?).
>
> I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.
> (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight -- always 20-20. It is
>so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed
>so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?)
>
> I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
>HOLY*********!
>
> DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked
>me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and
>over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
>nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left
>arm tucked under my body in the oddest position.
>
>The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before,
>licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "Do it again, do it
>again!"
>
> (NOTE: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note
>of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
>yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged
>from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're
>lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep into your thigh like
>yours truly.)
>
> SON-OF-A-***** that hurt!
>
>A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this
>point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
>the landscape. My glasses were on the TV across the room.
>
>How did they get there???
>
>My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt
>like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
>give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.
>
> By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they've left me for
>good this time. I'm offering a reward.
>
> Miss 'em; sure would like to get 'em back

[zooker]

as i inform billm after he posted this that his testies were still on the mantel place-where his wife left them-

zooker

[bassinbob]

Ouch!!! Missing testicles found on mantle..LOL That story made me laugh so hard. I sort figured he'd not be able just to do it for a second. Just like when someone grabs a hot wire they hold on like they are welded to it.

Bob

[bassinbob]

Forgot to ask. The dog wasn't licking his lips when he woke up was he?

Bob

[Rebbasser]

When I first read that on another forum I remember thinking all that was missing was the requisite redneck mantra of "Hey y'all, watch this!"

[ROBZILLA]

I also did that for use in Canada, They tested it out on my army unit before they let the police use them on the streets. It only hurts for a few seconds, BUT that few seconds hurts!

[bassintom]

ok rob that clears up a few things....lmao!

[ROBZILLA]

I think thats why my testies shrank? or maybe it's just cold up here!

[lizardsrule]

ROTFLMAO, and then reread it and laughed even harder. I saw the light before he did it, only 1 second yeah right. That was just hilarius, and I'm with Reb, I was thinking OK he it comes, Hey ya'll watch this.

Lizards