02-10-06, 08:03 PM | #1 |
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Fun With Tasers
Could you take it?
Code:
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/1128/ |
02-10-06, 09:39 PM | #2 |
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looks like a lot of fun..bill m(jersey basser that visits lots of forums) zapped himself accidentally one day.
here's his story...ENJOY! My First Taser Experience > > My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be >something akin to "Well, I have out done myself this time." >Kinda like when a girl sees a hole she thinks to herself "hey that's a >hole" >When a guy sees a hole he thinks "hey that's a hole, I should probably >stick my finger into it and see what happens.... > > No doubt. > > Here goes... > Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy. >(Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.) >I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 18th >anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet >girl. >What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a >clip. > >For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a >less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an >assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you >flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived with no >long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time >to retreat to safety. > > You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the >button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, >whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in >action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool! > > Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. > >I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. > >Nothing! > > I was so disappointed. > > Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I >found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an >arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I >learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a >metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and >forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so! >Awesome! Sparks, and a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop! > > Yippeeee! > > I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain >to her what that burn spot on the face of her microwave is. > > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it >couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc.etc. > > There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little >soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking >that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I >must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and >thought better of it. He is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was >going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I >did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I >wrong to think that? It seemed reasonable to me at the time. So, there I >sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my glasses perched delicately >on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in the other. The >directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your >assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a >loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your >assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. > > All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, >less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with >two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "No friggin' way!" > > Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. > >What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. > > Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what >followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with his head ****ed >to one side as to say, "Don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second >burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, >rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). > > I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. > (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight -- always 20-20. It is >so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed >so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?) > > I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and >HOLY*********! > > DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! > > I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked >me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and >over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, >nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left >arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. > >The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, >licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "Do it again, do it >again!" > > (NOTE: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note >of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap >yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged >from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're >lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep into your thigh like >yours truly.) > > SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! > >A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this >point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed >the landscape. My glasses were on the TV across the room. > >How did they get there??? > >My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt >like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. >give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure. > > By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they've left me for >good this time. I'm offering a reward. > > Miss 'em; sure would like to get 'em back
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02-10-06, 10:38 PM | #3 |
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as i inform billm after he posted this that his testies were still on the mantel place-where his wife left them-
zooker
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02-10-06, 10:46 PM | #4 |
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Ouch!!! Missing testicles found on mantle..LOL That story made me laugh so hard. I sort figured he'd not be able just to do it for a second. Just like when someone grabs a hot wire they hold on like they are welded to it.
Bob
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02-10-06, 10:47 PM | #5 |
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Forgot to ask. The dog wasn't licking his lips when he woke up was he?
Bob
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02-11-06, 12:18 AM | #6 |
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When I first read that on another forum I remember thinking all that was missing was the requisite redneck mantra of "Hey y'all, watch this!"
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02-11-06, 12:24 AM | #7 |
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I also did that for use in Canada, They tested it out on my army unit before they let the police use them on the streets. It only hurts for a few seconds, BUT that few seconds hurts!
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02-11-06, 12:30 AM | #8 |
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ok rob that clears up a few things....lmao!
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02-11-06, 12:36 AM | #9 |
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I think thats why my testies shrank? or maybe it's just cold up here!
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02-13-06, 09:13 PM | #10 |
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ROTFLMAO, and then reread it and laughed even harder. I saw the light before he did it, only 1 second yeah right. That was just hilarius, and I'm with Reb, I was thinking OK he it comes, Hey ya'll watch this.
Lizards
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