Madtoms & Crack Poison

[CarpMan]

mine an pollys place here on the farm is working with tha aminals and diving in tha carp pond with our new wet suits collecting crawfish and madtoms for elmers work. but this time of the year, tha water is purty kool. so elmer got us a water heater fur our wet suits. me an polly have tested them and found no problums... we take tha hose an stuff it down in our speedos, an it fills them with warm water, jist like being in a hot tub...Now i ask polly if it wuz ok if i told this to youall, she sade it will be ok, cuz it may help a basser in tha future...Polly wanted to dive by herself last wednesday, and everthing wuz going well until all of a sudden she sade her butt started itchen and she started scratchen it and made thangs wurse.. she sade it itched so bad that she had to pull tha hose out of tha speedos, but when she did she sade tha damage wuz already done..She realized what had happened, some how tha pump had sucked up a crawfish and a madtom and dump them into her speedos. now since polly dont have hair on her back, tha crawfish culdnt stick to it and tha madtom didnt have a place to hide, so them two little critters wuz scramblin fur a place to hide, and polly wuz a scratchen so they went to tha closest place, You guessed it! Pollys butt crack...When polly wuz scratchen, all she wuz doing wuz promoting a fight with them two....she radioed up to me and elmer and sade she wuz in big trouble.. needles to say, she started kicken her flappers and gaining altitude faster than any human could go unless thay been shot frum a torpedo gun...she made three stops on tha way up , and when the arived at the surface, she wuz completly udressed.. i throwd her a towel and sade" run to tha house and rub sum cream on your butt". Now polly is a little womun, but sumpthen happen to cuz her to swell up, cuz when she wuz a runnen to tha house, she had scratched that thang until it swelled up and looked like a big ole red beech ball bouncen.... she sade tha cream put tha fire out, but tha itch wuz still there. we kept her on her stomach fur 24 hours, cuz she wuz in terbul pain. She culdnt poop fur 3 days cuz her butt wuz swelled shut from tha madtom poision... Tha Dr, sade when polly wuz scratchen, she made tha madtom mad and it wuz a biten her and the crawfish waz fighten tha madtom over who wuz going to take up residence in that forbiden place.....Polly is doin well, the swelleness is gone down and the colour is back to a purty pink.. But she is worried about sum of you bassers that set in yuor bassboats showen off your buttcrack, she sade a lot of things could fly down in there and cuz you to have a bad day. She thinks a dragonfly might fly down in there an hurt one of you, and she wunts yuall to be keerful...

[bassintom]

tell polly thanks for the heads up...hope her butt is ok...i can come check it if you want me to...i know a little bit about butts.

[CarpMan]

Originally Posted by bassintom

tell polly thanks for the heads up...hope her butt is ok...i can come check it if you want me to...i know a little bit about butts.

She thanks you fur your concern, altho she could've used your experteze when it wuz swollen shut fur 3 days. Shes doin much better now, thanks.

[bassintom]

can you send me a madtom...i know someone who needs one dropped down their speedo.

[lovinfishin9]

lol, i could use quite a few of them.

[CarpMan]

,

Originally Posted by bassintom

can you send me a madtom...i know someone who needs one dropped down their speedo.

Bassintom, i dont know how it got in our carpond, but you can find them in most eny river. elmer says it gits no bigger than 3 inches long, and looks like a catfish. might be one, i dont know, But if you ever git one in yuor butt crack, dont scratch it an make him mad.

[bassnman30]

Now I know what happened to my old girl friend.

[bassintom]

i'll try and remember that carpman..appreciate the concern..and if polly ever has a butt problem again...you know who to call...

[JB]

A carpman was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing.The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?""Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish.""Pet fish?"
"Ya. Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home.""That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The carpman looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works.""Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The carpman poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" said the carpman.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"




We in Louisiana may not be as smart as some, but we aren't as dumb as most.

[CarpMan]

Originally Posted by JB

A carpman was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing.The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?""Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish.""Pet fish?"
"Ya. Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home.""That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The carpman looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works.""Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The carpman poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" said the carpman.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"




We in Louisiana may not be as smart as some, but we aren't as dumb as most.

Da carpmen have a way of outsmarten dem game warduns. one time a friend invited me and elmer to southern Ohio, on a hunting trip near the Wva and Ky border. We wuz duck hunten. Elmer shot a duck and tha game wardun saw it fall to the ground, he come a runnen, Picked that duck up, stuck his finger up that ducks butt and smelled his finger and sade boy you jest shot an illegal duck. He sade this duck flew over here frum from Wva, and we didnt have a Wva hunten liscense... He fined elmer 75 dollurs... We knowd he was rippen us off. Next day we went rabbit hunten, and our friend shot a rabbit, and that same game wardun saw him shoot it, he picked that rabbit up and stuck his finger up its butt and smelled his finger and sade you shot an illeagle rabbit, this rabbit ran over here frum Ky, he knowd we didnt have a Ky hunten liscense, another 75 dollurs.. Boy wuz we mad.. The next day we went deer hunten, and i saw this big ole 10 point buck jest a getting it done, i put aim on it, and dropped it in his tracks..You guessed it, here comes that same game wardun, he stuck his finger up that deers butt and smelled his finger and sade that deer is from Indiania.. I told him he was full of shi##, man did that make him mad.. He sade boy where are you from? I politely unbukled my belt, bropped my pants, turned around and bend over and looked up at him and sade Sir" you tell me where I'm from" He got mad. and hauled us to the Justice office, When I told that Justice my story, he got so tickeled that he dropped all charges, gave us our 150 bucks back , fired the game wardun and he is comming to our farm and is going Carp fishen with me and polly...

[bassinbob]

Hey carpman do you have a recipie for West Virginia apple jack? My old uncle who went to his reward was from West Virginny and had a recipie but he took it with him. Thank goodness we ain't got none of them little bitty catfishes they got down in the Amazon River. They like to swim up things and bury their little barbs and it's hell to pay to get them out.

Bob

[CarpMan]

Originally Posted by bassinbob

Hey carpman do you have a recipie for West Virginia apple jack? My old uncle who went to his reward was from West Virginny and had a recipie but he took it with him. Thank goodness we ain't got none of them little bitty catfishes they got down in the Amazon River. They like to swim up things and bury their little barbs and it's hell to pay to get them out.

Bob

Bassinbob, I believe my unkle took his receipe with him too. He used to make and drink alot of jack. He went on one of his drunks, got sick and went to bed and stayed there for days. My Aunt Gurtie got skeered and called a community prayer meeting for Unkle Ned. The good Godly folks were standen around his bed singing hyms. My Aunt Gurtie wuz praying that God would help her old drunk husband. But Unkle Ned raised up and told her not to talk so loud, he said God might hear you, you may tell Him I'm sick, but please don't tell him I'm drunk...Tha next morning tha neighbours saw Unkle Ned out by tha apple tree and thought he wuz picking apples. But after about 3 hours they noticed he hadn't moved, thay went out to check on him and found him hanging by the neck in that same apple tree that got him in so much trouble so many times..Me and Polly never drank apple jack, and we always stayed away from that apple tree..Ha Bassnbob! It's a small world. But, would your Unkles name be Ned??