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Old 03-17-05, 12:24 AM   #1
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Default BIG JOHN

Big John was a mountain man. He made his living in the hills - off the land. He rarely made an appearance in the nearby town where he would come into occasionally to trade his furs for the things he needed such as sugar, coffee and the like. After being gone for months he strolls into town to the store where he had traded for years. The store keeper spoke to him, but as usual Big John didn't say much. After gathering the things he needed he went to the counter where the owner was waiting for him. As he turned around he noticed Big John had a huge jaw swollen on one side. "Great day, John, what's wrong with your jaw?"
"Got a tooth bother'n me", was all he said. "You need to get that looked at", the store keeper replied. "It'll be alright I reckon", Big John countered.
"I don't think you understand," said the store keeper, "that thing looks bad. And the thing about it is it can poison your entire system. If that happens you could get so sick, we're liable to find you dead up there in your cabin. We've got a new dentist in town - go let him look at you."
John had not heard of a dentist so he asked what that was. "Well, he's kind of like a doctor for teeth." John said, "Can't afford no doctor."
"Look," said the store keeper, "you've been a good customer. Don't worry about the cost. I'll let him know your coming. He and I will work this out. Just go." After a little more encouragement he agreed.
Once in the dentist's chair the doc looked inside his mouth and it was pretty obvious which tooth it was as Big John didn't have that many teeth to look at. "Well, that tooth needs to come out."
"Then yank'er out", John said.
"Well, let me give you a shot of novacaine first and then we'll get to it."
"What's that?" John asked.
It'll kill the pain so you won't feel anything." As the doc turned around and came back with the hypodermic John said, "Oh no you don't. If that tooth has to come out, just get it out and be done with it."
"It'll hurt!, the doc explained.
"Now see here", John said, "I aint had but two hurts in my life and ain't nothin' you can do can hurt me worse than that. Just pull the tooth!"
"All right then, but remember I said it'll hurt."
John said, "I told you I ain't had but two hurts in my entire life - go fur it."
With that said the doc reached in with his pliers and pulled and tugged and the tooth finally came out. John only squinched his eyes once and never complained. He raised out of the chair, spit and said, "Thanks."
"Now didn't that hurt?" the doc said.
"I told you I ain't had but two hurts. This was nothin'."
The doc said, "Well, John, I've got to know what in the world that was. I can't hardly believe it." So Big John told him his story.
"I was a runnin' my traps one day a while back. While out there, nature called. I just stepped out of the path I use and squated down to take care of things. Just as I was making progress it was too late to stop. I had hunkered down over somebody else's steel trap. Just as that "thing" hit the trap, it slammed shut right across my oysters. That was the first hurt I ever had."
The ol' doc just went queezzy thinking about such a predicament. "My gracious," he said, "that must have been terrible. I can't imagine. But you said you had two hurts. What in the world was the other?"
Big John hesitatingly said, "When I ran all of the slack out of that chain."

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Old 03-17-05, 01:03 AM   #2
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Default Re: BIG JOHN

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Old 03-18-05, 02:38 AM   #3
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Default Re: BIG JOHN

Hey dodgeguy-good to see you over here!
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