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Old 12-29-04, 12:15 AM   #1
zooker___________.
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Default Joke of the day!

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster—one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: “I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk: “Henry,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse.

Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn’t stop there.

Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, “Stop, Henry!! You’ll kill yourself!!”

But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy.”

“Shhhhhhh,” Henry whispered, “He's getting closer.”

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Old 12-29-04, 12:23 AM   #2
Infisherman1
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

Oh man, don't tell me you'll be posting one of these every day!?!
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Old 12-29-04, 10:39 PM   #3
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

Roy the Rooster

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.
The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?"

The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer says, "Roy, did you have to die?"

Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"



Robby. ;D
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Old 12-30-04, 05:34 AM   #4
zooker___________.
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

You Canadian's have all the luck! > Huge fish (I cant figure out why,its cold as ****), Super model fishing partners(damn shes cute, let me guess she likes football to), and know all the funny jokes. I tell ya rob you post one more 10lb hog on here, and Im coming up there to kick you in the jimmy.....all the luck, know anymore? ;D
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Old 12-30-04, 05:36 AM   #5
zooker___________.
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

Only the funny ones Hula
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Old 12-30-04, 12:09 PM   #6
ryan7261
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Default Re: Joke of the day!





State Slogans


Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona:
But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California:
As Seen on TV

Colorado:
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware:
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia:
Without Atlanta we're Alabama

Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho:
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois:
Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana:
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa:
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas:
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky:
Five Million People; Seven Last Names

Louisiana:
We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine:
We're Really Cold,
But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland:
A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts:
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan:
First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota:
10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi:
Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri:
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana:
Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska:
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada:
*****s and Poker!

New Hampshire:
Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey:
You Want a ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico:
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina:
Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota:
We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio:
We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma:
Like the Play, only No Singing

Oregon:
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania:
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island:
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina:
We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North

South Dakota:
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee:
The Educashun State

Texas:
A Whole 'Nother Country!

Utah:
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont:
Yep

Virginia:
Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington:
Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.:
Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia:
One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin:
Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming:
Wynot?

had to do it sorry! lol
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Old 12-30-04, 01:02 PM   #7
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Default Re: Joke of the day!





A woman went to her priest with a problem...

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

;D
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Old 12-30-04, 01:32 PM   #8
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

[quote author=ROBZILLA link=board=Tourneys;num=1104290130;start=0#6 date=12/30/04 at 11:02:58]



A woman went to her priest with a problem...

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

;D[/quote]


classic but great joke!!!
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Old 01-19-05, 08:09 PM   #9
ryan7261
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

A Fisherman's Tale

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

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Old 01-19-05, 08:19 PM   #10
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

[quote author=ROBZILLA link=board=Tourneys;num=1104290130;start=0#5 date=12/30/04 at 10:09:15] *

*

State Slogans *




Kentucky:
Five Million People; Seven Last Names

[/quote]
Watch it buddy I'm from Ky....naw man it made me laugh...Good One ;D
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Old 01-19-05, 10:36 PM   #11
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

Ask me about my grandkids? Man thats just wrong.
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Old 01-19-05, 11:38 PM   #12
ryan7261
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

You are in the Snow Bird capital state of the world don't be suprised by that one! ;D ;D



Robby.
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Old 01-19-05, 11:45 PM   #13
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

come on zilla
it anit a vegatable it is like money sprouting from the dirt.

also it's state motto is if it shoots only once it anit a real gun..



zooker
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Old 01-19-05, 11:47 PM   #14
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

Oh how true that is!
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Old 01-20-05, 11:16 AM   #15
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

CUSTODY BATTLE!

* * A seven year old boy in Broomfield, Colorado was at the center of a courtroom drama this morning when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to his aunt.

* * The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and refused to live there.

* * When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents the boy cried out how they beat him more than anyone. The judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him.

* * Custody was granted to the Denver Broncos this morning as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone!!!

JackL
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Old 01-20-05, 11:34 PM   #16
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

nice
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Old 03-05-05, 07:19 AM   #17
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

Mafia Christmas

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..." :




Robby.
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Old 03-05-05, 07:26 AM   #18
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Default Re: Joke of the day!



Little Johnny Stands Up

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Robby.
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Old 03-05-05, 04:31 PM   #19
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

I.o.w.a on the license plates of cars stands for
Idiot's out wandering around.
Back in the 80s there was a service bulliten out from GM,it was a recall of all cars with the headlight dimmer switch on the steering colum.
It seems Iowa drivers were getting there feet stuck in the steering wheel whenever they wanted to dim there headlights. ;D
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Old 03-05-05, 10:28 PM   #20
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

A redneck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that
will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the
line model. The redneck is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back and says, "This chain saw is defective.
It would only cut down 1 tree and it took all damn day!"

The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and
the puzzled redneck says, "Heck, what's that noise?"
;D
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Old 03-05-05, 11:20 PM   #21
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

old man and a little boy walking down the road.
they turn off onto a path into the woods.
they're walking deeper and deeper into the woods.
getting darker and darker.
finally it pitch black.
little boy says"i'm scared"
the old man says"you're scared?....i gotta walk out of here alone". :
8)


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Old 03-08-05, 10:29 PM   #22
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

just thought i'd add one..




Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.



She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.

Her praying roused him from his slumber.

He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.




"Becky my darling," he whispered. "Hush my love," she said.

"Rest, don't talk."



He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I

have something that I must confess."



"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,

"everything's all right, go to sleep."



"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with

your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"



"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "let the poison work."

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Old 03-08-05, 10:50 PM   #23
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

good one felix
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Old 03-10-05, 07:15 AM   #24
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

a little for breakfast Lone rangerand tonto were riding on the prairie looking for some bank robbers, when all of a sudden the lone ranger ask tonto to get off his horse,put his ear to the ground and see if he could hear anything. Well tonto got down on his knees , put his ear down to the ground to listen. This didnt take long before tonto sat up and said; kemosobie, buffaloe cum. Lone ranger cocked his head and said; how you know that tonto? Tonto replyed; sticky ear!
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Old 03-11-05, 05:36 AM   #25
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Default Re: Joke of the day!

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington,DC.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I cain't understand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big 'gator, What you been eatin' boy?" "Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.
"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"
"Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol."
Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the s**t out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment.
See, by the time you get done shakin' the s**t out of a Politician, there ain't nothin' left but an a$$hole and a briefcase.
:P
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