Things That Only Happen in Movies

[H2O]

It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!)

..........


Please add more in ur opinion.

[JB]

You can listen to lake fishing reports all week and they are tearing up 8 pounders right and left, yet when you get there at 5 a.m. on sat and fish your heart out till sunday dusk, with only a hand full of 13 inchers, you can be the ol guy at the marina will say
"you should have been here Tuesday"



everyone was tearin' them up!

[CarpMan]

"Crying Time" Based on the performance by Ray Charles
"Lyin' Time...a Fisherman's Parody.
Absinthe is a green, bitter, toxic liqueur, I believe Greek in origin
Oh, it's lyin' time again, 'cause I've been fishin'
I can see you don't believe me in your eyes
I did not catch the one that I was wishin'
So it won't be long before I'm tellin' lies

Yes they say that Absinthe makes a drink that's stronger (stronger)
And you'll need one as you hear my tale of woe
Think of great white sharks but just a whole lot longer (longer)
It sank my boat and ate my partner Joe

Yes it's lyin' time again, but please believe me
'Cause the one that got away still makes me cry
So big that years from now I'll still be grieving
'Bout the fish, not Joe, though he was quite a guy

Now I never hooked a fish that fought me harder (harder)
And I've never lost a partner once before
I'm boat-less now, and Joe became a martyr (martyr)
Though I thank the stars I out-swam him to shore

Oh, it's lyin' time again, yes I'm a con-ster
But the re-al story makes me look insane
'Cause Joe got ate by that old Loch Ness Monster, oh yeah now
And I just got married to his widow Jane
(Yes I just got married to his widow Jane)

[zooker]

Originally Posted by CarpMan

Absinthe is a green, bitter, toxic liqueur, I believe Greek in origin

carpy been hitting the:


again??


zooker