2008 New Rules

JB · 04-16-08, 10:17 AM

Hope these make your time on the water more "enjoyable" heh

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge *******.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Mars Bar.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spirit ual. It's right above the crack of your ***. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and wa nt a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

damian2b · 04-16-08, 10:25 AM

hahaha that was awesome.

I hate bathroom attendants especially those with tip jars!

JB · 04-16-08, 11:06 AM

rofl@tip jar lady named "babs"

Buzz Wing · 04-16-08, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JB

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

A-Men!

-Buzz

bamabassman · 04-16-08, 09:13 PM

very good jb.

Rebbasser · 04-18-08, 06:36 PM

Very well done, JB. Especially the one about teenage boys and their hot teacher.

JB · 04-18-08, 07:06 PM

geesh reb`
all the teachers when i was in school were wearing old dresses that went to the floor, they all looked like female linebackers and had blue/gray hair!
now they got these hot 23 year olds

bamabassman · 04-18-08, 07:12 PM

she can spank me with her ruler, hahahaha.

Buzz Wing · 04-19-08, 11:16 PM

Coming from a teenager, that would be sick Bama! Thanks for that mental image!

But I'd spank her with my....errr... her ruler...

-Buzz

Rebbasser · 04-20-08, 12:46 AM

Same here, JB!

bamabassman · 04-20-08, 09:13 AM

buzz when you get a little older you'll understand, hahhahaha.

bcklash · 04-20-08, 09:25 PM

The only reason the teachers got turned in is the boys old man got turned down when he caught them.

Buzz Wing · 04-20-08, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bcklash

The only reason the teachers got turned in is the boys old man got turned down when he caught them.

Or when Spitzer walked in and saw you on one of his hoes...

-Buzz

04-16-08, 10:17 AM	#1
JB BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,655	2008 New Rules Hope these make your time on the water more "enjoyable" heh New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster? New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.' New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done. New Rule:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *****. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge ***. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Mars Bar. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spirit ual. It's right above the crack of your *. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and wa nt a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

04-16-08, 10:25 AM	#2
damian2b BassFishin.Com Active Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Baltimore, MD Posts: 122	hahaha that was awesome. I hate bathroom attendants especially those with tip jars! __________________ "Hook up another barrel...Im coming around again!"

04-18-08, 06:36 PM	#6
Rebbasser BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 10,142	Very well done, JB. Especially the one about teenage boys and their hot teacher. __________________ It's happened to the best of them: John 21:3

04-20-08, 12:46 AM	#10
Rebbasser BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 10,142	Same here, JB! __________________ It's happened to the best of them: John 21:3

04-20-08, 09:25 PM	#12
bcklash BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Elliston, Va. Posts: 4,372	The only reason the teachers got turned in is the boys old man got turned down when he caught them. __________________ The soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box. keep us free:

04-16-08, 11:06 AM	#3
JB BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,655	rofl@tip jar lady named "babs"

04-16-08, 09:13 PM	#5
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	very good jb.

04-18-08, 07:06 PM	#7
JB BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,655	geesh reb` all the teachers when i was in school were wearing old dresses that went to the floor, they all looked like female linebackers and had blue/gray hair! now they got these hot 23 year olds

04-18-08, 07:12 PM	#8
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	she can spank me with her ruler, hahahaha.

04-19-08, 11:16 PM	#9
Buzz Wing BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Hudson, MI Posts: 1,219	Coming from a teenager, that would be sick Bama! Thanks for that mental image! But I'd spank her with my....errr... her ruler... -Buzz

04-20-08, 09:13 AM	#11
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	buzz when you get a little older you'll understand, hahhahaha.

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