How to start a fight...

CamG · 03-05-11, 03:27 PM

HOW TO START A FIGHT!!!

The Unreasonable Mother-in-law

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's when the fight started...

______________________________

The Unreasonable Wife
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....

________________________________

The Humour-less Wife
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....

________________________________

The Mis-informed Wife
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at
a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober
since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

The Dangeorus Wife
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something
more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her
point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only
a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said,
"When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

The Lazy Wife
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

The Humourless Husband
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into
the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up
to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
"The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's when the fight started...

The well rounded Wife
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

The Soft Husband

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify
my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________

The Masochistic Husband

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And that's when the fight started...

Got this in an email today...thought it was good!

nofearengineer · 03-05-11, 03:34 PM

Those are classic! I will definitely be passing those on.

MississippiBoy · 03-05-11, 03:54 PM

A car ahead of me stopped unexpectedly, and I rear-ended it. The driver jumped out, pissed off, and came back to yell at me. I couldn't believe my eyes, because he was a "little person," only about 4 feet tall.
He storms up and taps on my window, steps back and puts his fists on his hips. I roll down my window, and he squeaks at the top of his lungs, "I am NOT HAPPY!!!"
I ask him, "Well then, which one ARE you?"
And then the fight started....

bamabassman · 03-05-11, 04:02 PM

as bryce said.....classic. and daniel..........did oyu win the fight? or did you get shin splints from the kicking? lmbo!!

bamabassman · 03-05-11, 04:02 PM

as bryce said.....classic. and daniel..........did oyu win the fight? or did you get shin splints from the kicking? lmbo!!

nobass · 03-05-11, 04:16 PM

those are all good ones.

keithdog · 03-05-11, 06:55 PM

Those are halarious!!! Thanks for the good laugh. My wife loves the second one. haha

carolina-rig-01 · 03-06-11, 01:35 AM

Those are great! The last one is probably my favorite.

everettvet · 03-06-11, 02:05 AM

Very funny stuff

Jrob78 · 03-06-11, 02:31 PM

I like this one

The Lazy Wife
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And that's when the fight started...

CamG · 03-06-11, 08:16 PM

Thought you guys would like them.

This one is still my favorite.

The Mis-informed Wife
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at
a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober
since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And that's when the fight started...

Bubba_Bruiser · 03-07-11, 04:49 AM

Funny stiff right there.

03-05-11, 03:27 PM	#1
CamG BassFishin.Com Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Superior, NE Posts: 974	How to start a fight... HOW TO START A FIGHT!!! The Unreasonable Mother-in-law One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's when the fight started... ______________________________ The Unreasonable Wife My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered.. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.... ________________________________ The Humour-less Wife I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.... ________________________________ The Mis-informed Wife My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ The Dangeorus Wife When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________ The Lazy Wife My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ The Humourless Husband Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's when the fight started... The well rounded Wife My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ The Soft Husband After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ The Masochistic Husband My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And that's when the fight started... Got this in an email today...thought it was good!

03-05-11, 03:34 PM	#2
nofearengineer BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Southwest IN Posts: 5,630	Those are classic! I will definitely be passing those on. __________________ Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after.

03-05-11, 03:54 PM	#3
MississippiBoy BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: May 2007 Location: Ridgeland MS Posts: 3,923	A car ahead of me stopped unexpectedly, and I rear-ended it. The driver jumped out, pissed off, and came back to yell at me. I couldn't believe my eyes, because he was a "little person," only about 4 feet tall. He storms up and taps on my window, steps back and puts his fists on his hips. I roll down my window, and he squeaks at the top of his lungs, "I am NOT HAPPY!!!" I ask him, "Well then, which one ARE you?" And then the fight started.... __________________ I smell smoke, and I hear sirens. Do you think that's a problem?

03-05-11, 04:02 PM	#4
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	as bryce said.....classic. and daniel..........did oyu win the fight? or did you get shin splints from the kicking? lmbo!! __________________ so many lures, so little time.

03-05-11, 04:02 PM	#5
bamabassman BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: cedar bluff, alabama Posts: 15,292	as bryce said.....classic. and daniel..........did oyu win the fight? or did you get shin splints from the kicking? lmbo!! __________________ so many lures, so little time.

03-05-11, 04:16 PM	#6
nobass BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: clarksville, tn, Posts: 1,690	those are all good ones. __________________ the only easy day was yesterday

03-05-11, 06:55 PM	#7
keithdog BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: IN Posts: 8,308	Those are halarious!!! Thanks for the good laugh. My wife loves the second one. haha __________________ Just one more cast, and then some!

03-06-11, 01:35 AM	#8
carolina-rig-01 BassFishin.Com Premier Elite Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Webb City, MO Posts: 6,387	Those are great! The last one is probably my favorite.

03-06-11, 02:05 AM	#9
everettvet BassFishin.Com Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Paducah, KY Posts: 730	Very funny stuff

03-06-11, 02:31 PM	#10
Jrob78 BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 4,671	I like this one The Lazy Wife My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And that's when the fight started... __________________ There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t. HRN4L

03-06-11, 08:16 PM	#11
CamG BassFishin.Com Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Superior, NE Posts: 974	Thought you guys would like them. This one is still my favorite. The Mis-informed Wife My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And that's when the fight started...

03-07-11, 04:49 AM	#12
Bubba_Bruiser BassFishin.Com Super Veteran Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: South MS Posts: 3,659	Funny stiff right there. __________________ \,,,,/ ROCK ON! HRN4L!

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