Found a good one

[Christopherkeene9]

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving
morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound
asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and
neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to
her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and,
gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of
his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which
was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she
rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked
him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I
didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,
and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, with some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in."

[Dyas]

ROFLMFAO......... That was good. i am tellin that one at school tomorow. That was just sick

[lovinfishin9]

Hilarious, that was a good one.

[454ss]

thank you for making me puke but also making me laugh like a hyena haha thanks alot

[Dyas]

My teacher luaghed her *** off when I told her.....

[skeeter944]

my friends laughed so much when i told 'em that one!!!!!!

[KH.]

oh no,thers a wet spot on my pants,not again....jk rotfflmmfao

[Christopherkeene9]

Found some more!

The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused
about paying an invoice, so
he decided to ask his secretary for some
mathematical help.

He called her into office and said, 'You graduated
from University of Texas
and I need some help. If I were to give you
$20,000, minus 14%, how much
would you take off?"

"Everything but my earrings."

(You gotta' love those Texas Gals.)


================================================== ======

A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and
paired off in twos for the day. That night, one
of the hunters returned alone, staggering under
the weight of an 8-point buck!

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple
of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the
deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured
no one is going to steal Henry!"


================================================== ======

A University of Texas senior from Oklahoma was
over heard saying, "When the end of the world comes,
I hope to be back in Oklahoma "

When asked why, he stated that everything
happens there 20 years later
than in the rest of the civilized world.


================================================== ======

The young Texan came running into the store and
said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup
truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young Texan answered, "I couldn't tell, but
I got the license number."


================================================== ======


NEWS FLASH!

Texas worst air disaster occurred when a small
2-seat Cessna 150 plane, piloted by 2 Texas A&M
students, crashed into a College Station cemetery
earlier today.

Search and rescue workers have recovered 300
bodies so far and expect the number to climb as
digging continues! into the evening.

The pilot and copilot survived and are helping
in the recovery efforts.

================================================== =====

A visiting minister prayed during the offertory prayer.

"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on
his upturned face, "Without You, we are but dust ..."

He would have continued; but, at that moment,
one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change)
leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl
voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

(Church was pretty much over at that point.)

[Fishie]

Wow totally unexpected ending.