Retirement Fun-got this in an email

[Rebbasser]

Dear Mrs. Spencer,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Larry Spencer, has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of
behavior and have considered banning your entire family from shopping
in any of our stores. We have documented all these incidents with our
video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are now attending
counseling for the emotional stress caused from the trouble your
husband has created. All of our complaints against Mr. Spencer have
been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Zimbrowski,
Wal-Mart Complaint Department
Carthage, MO


MEMO


Re: Mr. Larry Spencer - Complaints
15 Things Mr. Bates has done while his wife is shopping

1. June 15
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
when they were not looking.

2. July 2
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to individually go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7
Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"'Code 3' in housewares..." and watched to see what would happen.

5. August 4
Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay
away.

6. September 14
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers
he would invite them in if they would bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23
When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4
Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and
picked his nose.

10. November 10
While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if
he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6
In the auto department, he practiced his Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled
"PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he fell to the
floor in the fetal position and while loudly sucking his thumb,
screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And, last, but not least!)


15. December 23
Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waitedseveral minutes.
Then, yelled, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"